BULLIES will harass ya, until you command their respect.
Whether it's a hard punch to the nose or unleashing your full verbal power, shutting a bully down immediately, is your most viable option .
Have some of you noticed ya still get bullied by your parental units? Have you ever considered fighting back? Or does all that harsh, guilting, shaming conditioning you got throughout childhood, stand in the way of you feeling comfortable asserting yourself as an adult?
When a parent is cunty, bitchy, sarcastic or just plain MEAN, this didn’t start in adulthood or parenthood for ‘em. They’ve been snarky and abusive to others their whole life, bullied their schoolmates, and (in all probability) learned this shit from their parents!
It’s not your job accept or accommodate anyone’s nastiness or abuse~ even if it comes at you from Mommy or Daddy. It IS your prerogative and right, to put ‘em squarely in their place~ just as you would a young child who’s acting obnoxiously. Afraid to do so? Then you really need to read the rest of this essay.
You are not on your parent’s payroll (they can’t direct or control you anymore). If you are, or they’re still supporting you financially as a grown-up, you’re fucked~ because this is precisely how they control you, hold onto you, and keep you flailing down on the mat begging for mercy, whenever they’re in the mood to lecture you about your shortcomings.
Guess what? If your parental units are disappointed with who you are or how you’ve turned out, it’s on THEM. They’ve utterly failed to patiently and lovingly teach and guide you (a parent’s responsibility), which is why you’re vulnerable to various personal and/or professional setbacks and struggles!
If your parent works for You in a job you’ve given ‘em out of the kindness and generosity of your heart, please know that employing a relative is literally the kiss of death for any business or professional endeavor that has any hope of thriving.
WHY, you ask? Because nobody feels okay reprimanding a worker they’re emotionally close to, and you can’t BE a good or responsible Boss, if you let your workers run roughshod over you. You MUST divest them of their mistaken sense of ‘privilege’ concerning liberties they think they can take on the job (‘cause you’re blood related), without fully knowing their employment will be terminated~ and ya have to make it stick!
Never sit around and expect someone to respect you. You must earn respect from others, by acting in responsible and humanitarian ways, but if they still act out like a small child, you must command their respect. I recorded a YouTube video about Borderlines some years ago, and it teaches you NOT to ‘reward’ bad behavior, by tolerating it. This goes for our parents, too.
I phoned my stepmom this afternoon, who’ll be 99 this December. Yes, she’s experienced some cognitive decline, but when she won’t adjust her phone so she can hear me (which I’ve coached her on how to do at least 80 times), rather than yell to be heard and understood, I abruptly end the call. Not willing to torque myself up with frustration, and play that game. Does this make me callous? Probably. Do I care? Not so much, ‘cause I need additional stress in my life, like I need hemorrhoids. This is about Self-Care, which I’ve gotten pretty good at by now.
Bullies are addicted to bullying. It’s enlivening and activating for them! They get an endorphin rush from it, which is why Borderlines’ll break your balls indefinitely, if you let ‘em.
Bullies never change, because they're Narcissists. The only factor that matters, is whether you’re willing to take far better care of You and your needs, than them and theirs. You must be fiercer than they. You must be more aggressive than they. You must assert your authority and power by acting swiftly and definitively, and diffusing any hold they think they have over you.
Any/all power they appear to have is solely in YOUR mind. You’ve freely given it to ‘em, because when they’re around you, you’re taken right back to being that scared little kid who couldn’t escape their threats, emotional withdrawal, sarcasm and abuse.
I’d like you to wear a rubber band on your wrist and snap it hard against your skin to remind you, they have absolutely NO dominion or power over you anymore. THAT actually ended when ya left home, and finally freed yourself from their tormenting clutch. So, you’re FREE AT LAST! Quit acting like you aren’t~ because all that does, is it lets ‘em win another round~ and besides, it’s finally Your time to Win.
Now… what’s next on your agenda?
I feel like Trump needs to read this entry. Handling Bullies and Borderlines EFFECTIVELY (whether we call 'em Communists, Socialists, or Marxists... at their baseline, they're sociopathic) means roaring much louder, and doing "investigations" AFTER incarcerating the slimy bastards.
I appreciate the advice and will reflect on my own parenting behavior in an effort not to be a bully, knowingly or unknowingly. I have had the good fortune to have rarely felt bullied. My parents were loving, I’m 9th of 10 kids, and even having joined the military while in high school didn’t result in any bullying. I do distinguish military discipline and Catholic school discipline as different from bullying.
I do like your style of direct writing and practical advice on how to address. I also like that you have a flair for the kind of language that resonates with the working man and woman. Finally, I would add that when we witness bullying, it can be a wonderful opportunity to first help someone less fortunate and also correct one who is, well, a bully. Be on the alert for state and employer bullying in the form of DEI training in which they bully some by casting them as oppressors simply die to their skin color. That’s racist bullying and that it is state sponsored makes it more dangerous and difficult to confront.