CODE OF LIVING FOR SENIORS
Be decisive. Right or wrong, make a decision. The road is paved with flat squirrels who couldn’t make a decision.
When I get a headache I take two aspirin and keep away from children just like the bottle says.
Becoming an adult is the dumbest thing I’ve ever done.
If you see me talking to myself, just move along. I’m self-employed. We’re having a meeting.
”Your call is very important to us. Please enjoy this 40-minute flute solo.”
Does anyone else have a plastic bag full of plastic bags, or is it just me?
I hate it when I can’t figure out how to operate the iPad and my tech support guy is asleep. He’s 5 and it’s past his bedtime.
Today’s 3-year-olds can switch on laptops and open their favorite apps. When I was 3, I ate mud.
Tip for a successful marriage: Don’t ask your wife when dinner will be ready while she’s mowing the lawn.
So, you drive across town to a gym to walk on a treadmill?
Old age is coming at a really bad time.
Last year I joined a support group for procrastinators. We haven't met yet.
Why do I have to press one for English when you're just going to transfer me to someone I can't understand anyway?
My people skills are just fine. It's my tolerance for idiots that needs work.
Today "On time" is, when you get there.
Even duct tape can't fix stupid – but it does muffle the sound.
It would be wonderful if we could put ourselves in the dryer for ten minutes, then come out wrinkle-free...and three sizes smaller.