Desperate People do Desperate things~ and Crazy is, as Crazy does...

It's a bizarre world we're living in, these days. If it seems upside-down and inside-out, take heart… you are not alone (but you knew this already, didn’t ya?). 

There seems no end to the crazy-making antics that are going on in societies all over the globe, yet it's quite possibly a GOOD thing, and here’s why . . .  

When the political pendulum swings TOO far to one side, people tend to notice. My sense is, we may have needed this chaos, drama, child mutilation and destruction to get our attention, and force our determination to revive honest, wholesome values and principles. I don’t know about you, but I’ve been feeling bittersweet nostalgia for a return to normalcy! In truth, change rarely happens, unless it’s prompted by pain, discomfort of some kind, or dissatisfaction. Isn’t this why you left your last job??

The Leftist pendulum has swung so far afield in terms of societal norms, because they can’t discern when it serves 'em best to quit. Perhaps we can’t help but think, when did this mayhem all start? Have we unwittingly given ‘em an inch, generously turned a blind eye when they took a foot, and now we’re miles away from a peaceful, serene existence?? Kinda seems like it, right?

I think of these folks as toddlers living in adult-sized bodies. We’d never expect a 3 year-old to have any impulse control, sense of healthy boundaries or empathy. To any reasonably sane grownup, that would seem absurd! Three year old toddlers are in full-narcissistic bloom at that age, which organically follows The Terrible Two’s, when ya wanna flush that defiant child down your toilet~ IF you’re honest with yourself!

Emotionally underdeveloped people (often referred to as Narcissists and Borderlines), will always push the envelope to the bursting point, and then blame others for their hapless or disastrous outcomes. Projection’s the name of their game, and so is Gaslighting… and they’re utterly masterful at each, to the point they can make you believe You’re the crazy one!

For people with Borderline Personality Disorder, there’s no such thing as ‘Cause and Effect.’ They never consider potential repercussions for their actions~ they merely act impulsively, with no thought whatsoever about what may result from their erratic, chaotic or shortsighted choices and behaviors.

Clients have asked me for decades, “if Borderlines are so afraid of abandonment, WHY do they push people away?!” It truly boggles their minds! Well friends, there’s a ton of misinformation on the World Wide Web, and a great deal of it’s centered around Cluster B diagnoses! Even the DSM-V offers miniscule symptomatic or practical information about Borderline Personality Disorder~ which is what likely nudged me into writing 25 comprehensive web articles on this one topic.

There’s a logical answer to the question many pose about Borderlines and abandonment, that helps at least salve broken-hearted people’s confusion about a current or ex-lover, and it‘s simple: Someone with BPD got accustomed to being emotionally abandoned since infancy. They could not form a nourishing, safe and secure emotional bond with their birth mother, nor could they build a foundation of trust and love with her. Hence, they’ve literally been on the defensive, ever since.

When we’ve never been able to develop a sense of trust in the one person we should be able to rely on to adore and deeply care for us, how can we even fathom trusting anyone else? If you’ve never experienced what it feels like to be genuinely loved, where’s your frame of reference for this emotional sensation in the body? Do we somehow manage to get a sense of what love is from watching romantic movies, or reading steamy novels??

Very few who work in the helping/healing arts have come even close to understanding the Borderline Personality. A Borderline’s fear of attachment keeps them engaging in endless cycles of breaking up and making up… that is, if you can last with one for more than a couple months. When a person with BPD traits begins to feel close to you, anxiety is instantly catalyzed and they push you away. It’s a survival reflex~ because bonding with another represents a loss of Self (what little they have). In a sense, if one’s kitchen cupboard is bare, they won’t invite a guest for lunch.

Can BPD people actually recognize real love when it comes along? When it’s accompanied by the pain of longing and yearning for someone who’s slightly out of their reach, do they believe their intense, dramatic feelings for that person are “True Love??” What if a relationship with someone who’s considerate, thoughtful, kind and affectionate doesn’t trigger the subtle pain of yearning in someone… is it hard then, to accept this could actually be LOVE? Or do they soon feel bored with that person? This folks, is the Borderline’s crucible.

Unless you inspire intensity of feeling (whether pleasurable or painful) you won’t last with a Borderline. In short, if you’re truly emotionally available, they cannot love or want you.

Isn’t it fairly easy and natural for us all to put our own needs and wishes aside, when considering those of our beloved? Magnify this normal, human relationship phenomenon by 100, and you have some semblance of why a BPD man or woman has to throw a monkey wrench into your relationship dynamic, almost immediately after a gloriously warm and loving holiday away with you. Have you ever taken note of this pattern? Has it seemed merely coincidental~ and how often has it occurred?

Very soon after emotionally intimate episodes together, the Borderline’s need to distance or pick a fight to manage their attachment anxiety, is as predictable as the sun rising each day at dawn. It’s not unusual for the same exact argument or past speed-bump to get resuscitated each and every time they feel a need to retreat. ‘Kitchen-sinking’ ~ or regurgitating already discussed and resolved (you thought) conflicts, is a tried and true distancing tactic for Borderlines that’s sure to keep chaos and discord alive for days or even, weeks! (Still, the makeup sex is pretty great, even when it’s a grudge fuck, right?)

Episodic conflict is the Borderline’s dependable monkey wrench, and when it comes to deal-breakers they wanna hold against you, if they can’t legitimately locate one, they’ll manufacture or make one up: “I just KNOW you’re cheating on me… I’m SURE of it!” And here ya go again, reassuring ‘em and defending yourself for hours, against their wild allegations. Here’s help, if you keep bumping up against this: QUIT rewarding bad behavior!

The important thing to consider here, is how you’re impacted by your lover’s tantrums that seem to erupt out of the blue! And speaking of blue, have you noticed that when Conservatives are pissed off, they don’t go rioting, looting, defacing and burning public property, and then play “the Victim,” if they’re carted off to a jail cell to keep ‘em from doing even more damage to our citizens and once-beautiful cities? Adults observe healthy boundaries, they are able to control their impulses, and they’re capable of feeling empathy. Borderlines are devoid of these characteristics.

I’ve long said, 80% of humans living on this earth have BPD traits. Look at today’s astronomical divorce rate, and you may finally understand why this is. Incidentally, divorces that are considered “high-conflict” by attorneys, are always between couples where at least one of ‘em has BPD traits~ ‘cause desperate people do desperate things.

It takes guts to love fully. Even attaching to an animal (dog or cat) can mean your heart feels like it’s being ripped out of your chest, when they take their last breath. It’s truly a soul crushing experience, if you’ve let yourself truly love and bond with them… so why on earth, would anyone take that kind of emotional risk with another human?!

Perhaps you should ask a Borderline.