DO WE REALLY HAVE TO HATE SOMEONE BEFORE WE BREAK-UP WITH 'EM??
Did you ever consider leaving a relationship, not because you stopped loving someone, but because you realized they weren’t gonna be a solid fit for you in the long run?
A HEALTHY relationship breakup, should be painful for BOTH parties. Most people stay in a relationship until mountains of cumulative disappointment, resentment, hurt and anger have piled up, that they can’t stand to be anywhere near the person they once “loved.”
It’s EASY to walk out on someone you’ve come to hate, and sadly, most people aren’t emotionally developed enough to do it any differently! It’s like they agree to an unspoken contract when they join, to beat that dead (relationship) horse until it’s unrecognizable, ‘cause if they parted while they still liked and respected each other, they might have to experience some sadness and mourning for the other’s absence~ AND tolerate being all alone with themselves!
Why aren’t people mature enough to say goodbye, when they’ve simply outgrown each other, or just don’t see building a future together? Why won’t most recognize that the needs that drew ‘em to someone initially have changed, and it’s nobody’s fault?
California and perhaps a lot of other states have instituted “no fault” divorces, yet there are far too many folks who seem to relish tearing each other from limb to limb, when their marriage ends. Are we actually barbarians? Only in Divorce Court.
I’ve had a handful of marvelous men in my life. They were the perfect fit for me at the time we got involved, but they didn’t share the same tenacious determination to grow, heal and evolve as I did. We mutually delighted in shared love, admiration and respect for each other, and while these were all good-enough men to have sailed off into the sunset with~ I simply outgrew them emotionally, and was wise enough to know it.
These breakups weren’t the fault of these men, and I hadn’t stopped caring about them. Many, after a period of time and our respective emotional dust had settled, became good friends. I didn’t leave any of them for someone else~ I left them, to further develop and enhance my relationship with ME.
We live in an underdeveloped society that’s reached epidemic proportions. I’m known by now for stating that conservatively, 80% of the world’s population has Borderline Personality Disorder traits. By the way: There’s no such thing as a “high conflict divorce,” unless you’re fleeing from a Borderline!
There is no grey area with Borderlines. They see life much like a very young child~ that is, only in black or white terms. Borderlines either love you or hate you, moment to moment. They can look at you adoringly like ya walk on water and hung the moon and the stars, but disappoint ‘em just one tiny bit, and you’re instantly The Devil. You can see murderous rage flare up in their eyes, and you’re left feeling aghast~ thinking, who ARE you~ and what have you done with that magnificent, loving women I thought I married?!
Men are easily seduced by these females, because they love-bomb you at the start of your dance with them. It’s their seduction ploy~ unless they have BPD Waif traits, and then their aim is to make you feel sorry for ‘em and the “abuse” they endured in their last relationship. As an aside, NEVER trust anything a Borderline tells you. They’re known to be pathological liars. It’s just one of their traits.
But I’ve digressed. It’s always best to GROW in love, rather than falling in it. In short, don’t sexualize your relationship too quickly with someone you think might have partner potential, and hold ‘em to the high standards you’ve set for your friends.
If you get to really know someone and determine if they’re solid friendship material, then it could make sense to get physically AND emotionally naked with em. If not, keep looking for someone who can go the distance with ya. Short of this, it’s a lot less costly to pay a professional to please You with mind-blowing sex, than to pick somebody up in a bar, if you’re feeling horny. At least you don’t have to worry about STD’s, being saddled with an unwanted pregnancy, and a litany of irrational, bordering on crazy behaviors in the aftermath of a one-night stand! It’s even worth a flight to Vegas.
When or if you’ve gotten to a place of wanting to settle down, quit approaching it like Russian Roulette~ because it’s far easier to fly to the moon having strapped yourself to a banana, than find a suitable, sane lover with whom you can build a serene and gratifying life~ and perhaps one day, IF it’s necessary, part from as good friends.