Do YOU have an Underdog Complex?
You might be surprised to learn how many people live with an Underdog Complex, even after many years of therapeutic intervention to dismantle Codependency traits. This issue typically drives self-defeating behaviors such as making allowances for another, giving ‘em the benefit of the doubt, and compulsive over-giving.
Compulsive over-givers or Super-givers, I like to call 'em, do so to fortify their sense of empowerment. These people have a difficult time receiving, due to not feeling worthy or deserving of someone giving back to Them, in the ways they give to Others.
A Super-giver is often profoundly uncomfortable receiving even a sincere compliment from anther! Does this strike you as someone genuinely empowered?? Of course not! A truly empowered person hears a compliment as CONFIRMATION of what they already know to be valid and true about themselves, and it pleases them to learn others view them AS THEY SEE THEMSELVES!
Super-givers are a special brand of control freak. They feel compelled to choose impaired friends and partners, to maintain a one-up position in all their relationships so they’re able to feel better about themselves~ but it's always a false sense of "strength" they're hoping to garner from compulsive over-giving.
An Underdog Complex has us feeling sorry for and maintaining a relationship with another (either romantic OR platonic) who routinely struggles, and can only be episodically responsive to our needs. We DO this, out of a sense of over-empathizing with someone who might be an essentially "good person," yet routinely sabotages themselves.
WHY do we maintain these relationships that do not serve us?? We identify with and relate to the Underdog in them! In a sense, we obtain vicarious satisfaction by giving to others what we ourselves, need. We feel sympathy and compassion for Them, that we've NOT been willing to feel for Ourselves! So, what we have here, is projection of OUR disowned or killed off personality aspects, onto another. In essence, whatever we give to them is really all about Us and our needs~ not theirs.
The upshot of an unresolved Underdog Complex, inhibits our own healing, growth and attainment of real success and happiness. The "help" we keep giving to others (even by allowing them to still occupy space in our life) is merely a diversion, a distraction if you will, that prevents us from cleaning up the mess in our OWN backyard, and truly repairing and empowering our Self.
If this post speaks to you, ya might wanna pick up my book, DO YOU LOVE TO BE NEEDED, OR NEED TO BE LOVED? so you can start getting better acquainted with YOU and begin identifying the traits in yourself, that have kept you from reaching your lifelong goals pertaining to love, prosperity and joy.