Expertise is gained ONLY through persistent, diligent practice.
It’s surprising really, how many people believe they should be excellent at trying something they’ve never done before! I believe this attitude emanates from early childhood, when we were automatically expected to KNOW what we couldn’t have possibly known as yet.
Narcissistic parents presume their offspring should be adept at doing everything. Whatever knowledge a man or woman needed several decades to develop for themselves, is somehow overlooked when their kid’s skills are being examined. No learning curve is anticipated, nor does a young child’s lack of coordination or muscle development get factored into a parent’s unrealistically high expectations.
I spoke with a man recently who’d taught himself to play guitar in his early twenties. During the Covid outbreak and having to be confined to his home, he decided to take guitar playing lessons in his late sixties. This fellow had enjoyed playing guitar by ear prior to this time, and had now entered an entire new domain of learning to read sheet music.
His perfectionism unfortunately, has run amuck. He shames himself for having to struggle now, with this previously enjoyable activity, because he hasn’t mastered getting thru a melody. I can relate. As a young child, I was drawn to the piano, and tinkered around with playing tunes when we visited relatives who owned one.
It was thought that I had talent, so great aunts and uncles chipped in and bought me an old upright piano, and paid for lessons so I could learn to read music. It was a struggle. Playing by ear was very different from learning to read and play musical notes on a page of paper! Needless to say, I didn’t stay with it long.
Still, all through high school, I played by ear~ and I think it helped soothe me and save my life during adolescence, and having to living under acute parental control. If a child is expected to know everything an adult does, just because he or she falls from that tree, the kid grows up never cutting himself any slack, never having patience for himself, and living with the expectation and demand of being “perfect,” which is often indicative of someone who has personality disorder traits.
To err is human. Life is a huge learning curve. If we approach each new experience with an expectation of mastering it, we are not only prone to put off trying something new (and our procrastination can last an entire lifetime), we rob ourselves of various activities and creative expression that not only have the ability to expand us~ they may provide a great sense of relaxation, satisfaction and pleasure, as well.
NOBODY is good at something, right out of the starting gate. “Beginner’s Luck” is marvelous, but it’s exceedingly uncommon. Muster the courage to try new things, trusting that you’re not gonna be very good at them in the beginning. If in any way that experience feels intriguing, enlivening or pleasurable, you might want to pursue it and (over time) become more adept at it~ but never expect yourself to master anything, having had no prior experience with or exposure to it! That’s just plain foolish.