Friend, Family or Foe?
I've come to value my friends, far and above family. Got a call today from my ex-brother in law (my sister's first husband), congratulating me on becoming a "Grand Aunt." My nephew's daughter it turns out, just gave birth to a baby girl.
Did I know she'd even married (not that it's a prerequisite, or anything)? No. Had we been close? Never~ beyond having one (seemingly) meaningful phone connection some years back, which I'd hoped would lead to more contact, but didn't.
If I were a different kinda dame, who hadn't grown a lotta self-acceptance or found a way to like and respect myself, I'm guessing this shit would bother me much more than it does. But alas, I know who I am AND who I'm not, and emotional exile from "family" members is not a foreign experience for me~ I've just considered the SOURCE when determining whether these people represent vital, healthy attachments for me, or not. Mostly, they don't.
You can't make people love you. You can only BE who you are, and let the chips fall where they may. Given my sister is passive aggressive, she's raised offspring with the same, incredibly annoying trait. My nephew AND niece (before she transitioned) used to be extremely close with me~ yet those ties somehow died a long time ago.
It's not that I didn't TRY to keep the emotional volley up, take ownership of any injuries I may have unwittingly caused that could have created ruptures, and would willingly make amends~ but when you love somebody and you're the only one making an effort to stay in touch, you either take the hint, or you're a fool to keep trying. MY mother didn't raise no fools.
There are those who, in the grand scheme of things, may in fact, be more emotionally whole and healthy than all the others in their family tree. As children, many of us never felt a sense of belonging, or fitting in. We always assumed this was because WE were defective, not good enough and/or unlovable.
During the course of healing people for 3+ decades, I found an exceptional number of clients were in fact, more rational and sane than anyone else in their family~ and God only knows, how they managed to survive their painfully isolated beginnings!
To finally find someone like me who could mirror them accurately and help them rebuild themselves, must have felt like an amazing gift. Could I have done this for Them, if I hadn't FIRST learned how to heal and grow beyond this issue for myself? You tell Me.
All I can say at this juncture is, I HAVE no family~ but my friends believe in me, respect me, support me, check-in on me from time to time, and I can FEEL their genuine admiration and love~ and that my dear people, is good enough for Me.