Have you ever been abruptly dropped on your head, soon after meeting someone?

Did it seem as if the other person had 'good reason' for doing so?

So many dread and fear confrontation of any kind, if they’re triggered by something you write or say, they feel a need to terminate their relationship with you, rather than expressing their disappointment or hurt, and working (together) toward a mutually agreeable resolution or outcome. Ruptures CAN be mended, when two adults are committed to this aim.

The written word is powerful. In MY world, the proverbial pen has always been mightier than the sword. I’m so facile at nailing someone to the cross with my retorts, I can do it in my sleep. Still, I always consider the source before I respond. I’ve sensed some folks are either so deeply damaged there’s no sense inflicting more trauma, and others are just ignorant and/or careless, and deserve my wrath.

I am thankfully, fully at ease with my dark side, and God help ya, if you ever cross me. There’ll be hell to pay~ yet I never lift a finger to bring about a suitable and fitting punishment for your transgression against me.

I have a vivid imagination and vengeful streak~ and as I suspect is true for many Scorpios, bad things always happen to those who intentionally undermine me. It’s as predictable as the sun rising in the east every morning, and I’ll always hear about someone getting their due~ even when it happens years later.

I guess a lotta people learned during early childhood, that if they voiced their upsets with a parent, they were either withdrawn from (which feels abandoning) or severely punished. Children learn best from example about healthy or unhealthy interactive relationship dynamics at home, before they ever start socializing at school with others.

If a child is not allowed to express himself honestly and directly without the fear of reprisal from a parent, he grows up stuffing a lot of his feelings, in order to avoid being banished from his parents’ kingdom. This type of upbringing has left many with zero sense that conflict resolution with another, is ever possible. The result of this programming is to cut and run, if even the slightest upset is experienced.

Under these conditions, people leave marriages, friendships, jobs, and any environment (nourishing or not) where conflict of any type might arise. Conflict averse individuals deeply believe that if they speak up for themselves, it literally means the end of a relationship. Often, they’ll simply disappear on ya, or “ghost” you, as today’s youth like to call it.

A gal I’d made a lovely connection with here (on SS) and I began exchanging emails. They recently seemed to have abruptly stopped. Not having heard from her for a week or so, I checked in to see if she was okay. Ya just never know… once we’re in the midlife zone or older, it’s always a good idea to check on friends (and even acquaintances) who aren’t returning our volley.

She wrote back, indicating she’d objected to something I’d expressed in a recent post, and terminated our burgeoning friendship. It was too soon to have gotten emotionally invested in this new connection, so I won’t be losing any sleep over the loss~ but her reason for stepping away seemed unreasonably reactive.

I felt saddened that there are people in our world who feel justified in reacting so strongly to just one little speedbump or minor disagreement, they’re immediately inclined to throw the baby out with the bathwater. I, myself have gotten ‘lit up’ while reading an email exchange, yet when I’ve gone back and reread it, I’ve taken it in very differently. That’s the thing about the written word. How it lands with us in the moment, is often influenced by dozens of peripheral conditions that can impact our current mood AND interpretations!

How we do Anything, is how we do Everything. I know for sure, I’m not being singled out for being abruptly discarded by this female. I strongly suspect there’ve been many during the course of her life who’ve met with a similar fate, if they’ve unwittingly disappointed her just one tiny bit.

On a broader scale, reactive behavior and abrupt disconnects are indicative of someone who could have BPD traits, and as you may be aware, I’ve been informing the public over the past few decades, about the shocking prevalence of personality disorder issues among millions of people worldwide.

Nevertheless, it’s easy to forget that new relationships are extremely fragile. They take considerable time to build and establish, yet can be decimated within an instant~ even if you haven’t (directly) done a single hurtful thing to someone. Did you cause harm unwittingly to another?? Perhaps~ and yet if somebody needs you to be a mind-reader and ‘intuit’ their needs, beliefs and attitudes, maybe it’d be wise to reassess the stability of this relationship, ‘cause that shit’s way beyond your pay grade!

There are myriad reasons why someone takes a powder on ya. My 20 year-old nextdoor neighbor has been sharing with me that the girls he meets seem interested at first, then ghost him. He’s such a darling, sensitive, bright young man, and I’m educating him about BPD, to deter him from hitting train wrecks up ahead, as he explores the world of dating within a prominently dysfunctional society.

I’m teaching him how to readily discern BPD traits in the young women he meets. They’re so desperate for validation, that if a male acts like a gentleman and doesn’t try to jump ‘em on their first meeting, he’s basically toast. How sad is that?!

People with BPD features have attachment fears, and no non-professional is gonna change that for ‘em. Many who do work in the field of psychology lack a workable understanding of the disorder and how to resolve/heal it, so this in itself, is tragic.

Anyhow, most Borderlines are gonna have to navigate this lifetime’s journey all by themselves~ with only brief, sporadic relational interludes spliced-in throughout the duration. Many gals with BPD symptoms have told me they “do better” on their own, or when they’re not in a relationship. I’m thinkin’ that’s probably a good thing.