Health Practitioners and The God Complex.
Many doctors, social workers, coaches, surgeons, etc., have developed God complexes. People-Pleasers, fixers, rescuers and those with Hero or Savior inclinations (which doesn’t necessarily include ALL physicians, but is inclusive of most), grew up with an impaired maternal object who failed to be responsive to their emotional needs for connection and nourishing interplay within a consistently safe and secure bond.
A young child never thinks, “there’s something wrong with my mom, and that’s why I’m unable to get the affection and attention I need.” He automatically assumes HE is at fault due to being unlovable and not good enough, each time he experiences these deficits.
His childhood is consumed with efforts to please his (unhappy, discontent) mother, make her smile, laugh and bring her joy~ which (to his mind) would codify his much-needed sense of value to her. Every child inherently senses that his mother should be as delighted with his mere presence, as he is with hers. When a mother’s affect routinely fails to reflect back to him that she is joyful when they’re in each other’s company, core shame (“I’m not good enough or lovable”) is implanted.
Sadly, Borderline Disordered individuals can never be pleased. It’s like trying to fill a well that has a huge fracture at the bottom. Thus, this child grows up never feeling deserving or worthy of being loved. If he’s fortunate enough to attract someone who can reciprocate his adoration, he feels awkward and undeserving of it, finds fault with that individual (“I’m bored with him/her”), and sabotages the attachment. The lack of intensity with a partner sans drama, chaos, conflict and roller-coaster emotional dynamics cannot replicate the feelings he grew up with, in reference to loving his mother.
Thus, his romantic choices consistently echo for him the understanding that he’s not good enough, no matter how much he accomplishes or achieves. He typically bonds with/marries people who cannot return his adoration, past the initial “Honeymoon” stage of the relationship. When he meets someone with BPD traits who love-bombs him and seems to share a litany of similar interests, he experiences a sense oneness with this person that replicates what he felt with Mother, while developing as a fetus in her womb.
This extraordinary sense of compatibility and sameness with someone of course, spawns fantasies of “Happily Ever After.” Nevermind, the chameleon-like capabilities inherent in a Borderline’s seduction strategy.
Our human Attraction Strategy asserts that WHO we grew up loving, whether they returned our adoration or not, is who we are attracted to and bond with, in adulthood. Until one resolves and heals their core trauma wounds, their subconsciously-driven, under-satisfying or pain-producing choices will repeat indefinitely.
Standard psychotherapy cannot assist with this issue, because the inner-carnage this individual has incurred is not housed in the head. This damage resides in one’s Heart since infancy onward. It seriously impacts self-worth, and deters one’s capacity to thrive, whether they choose to be coupled or not.
Self-sabotaging choices (however subtle) are a merely a byproduct of unhealed core-trauma wounds. One who’s grown up with these deficits has difficulty feeling fully deserving and worthy of receiving care, affection, optimal health, vast success, protection and love~ even from God, who may mistakenly be perceived as a punitive entity.
For these folks, there always exists the sensation of “waiting for the other shoe to drop” during brief episodes of emotional lightness or when life’s going really well. This is merely a childhood ‘superstition’ that was formed during the course of repetitive setbacks and disappointments when we were very young, and hadn’t yet developed coping skills.
Core damaged people have “learned to live with” depression and anxiety at their baseline, since early childhood. Most assume their obsessive/compulsive thinking (which may interfere with getting a solid night’s sleep) is normal and natural~ but it’s not.
Living in one’s head is merely a byproduct of having dissociated from vital and important feeling states around the age of two. Mentally analyzing one’s feelings has never resolved or healed inner pain~ it just distracts from it for a little while, until the next wave of depression and/or anxiety hits.
I’ve written extensively about infancy and childhood emotional abandonment. My own unstable childhood experiences and tenacious, unrelenting determination to rise above and surmount them, spawned DO YOU LOVE TO BE NEEDED, OR NEED TO BE LOVED? which details precisely how core trauma undermines us in countless ways, in context of attaining personal and professional gratification.
My somewhat autobiographical book takes you on a comprehensive journey toward self-discovery, and answers crucial questions you’ve had lifelong about why great success has eluded you in this lifetime, no matter how hard you’ve tried~ and why you’ve never been able to find the love you’ve always needed. Some readers have said, it provides quintessential understanding about Codependency, that other authors have failed to supply. I guess you’ll have to judge this for yourself.