How "toxic" is NPD versus BPD?
I generally find it gratifying when a former client either calls or emails me an update on how they're doing. Most simply express their gratitude. Some seem motivated to tell me about the 'magic bullet' they've found, which has facilitated their healing.
I'm always happy for them to learn they've found resolution~ yet the perspectives they discovered that got 'em there, aren't always accurate.
Still, what matters most in the final analysis is, they were able to have their experiences with a toxic other, finally make sense to 'em~ at least, within a context they can digest and accept, based on their limited level of emotional development, and unacknowledged primal wounds at the hands of their maternal object during infancy and early childhood.
ALL Borderlines are narcissistic. They lack capacity for empathy, impulse control and a reasonably healthy sense of boundaries. Even the sweetest, kindest, more benign, high-functioning Borderlines cannot identify with nor relate to your pain or inner-experiences.
At the far end of the BPD spectrum, is "toxic or malignant" Narcissism, but people with NPD who lack Borderline Personality Disorder traits, do not act-out in emotionally OR physically volatile or violent ways within close relationships.
Various people have been talking and writing about "Malignant Narcissists" for decades now, because they've lacked an accurate frame of reference for extreme behavior patterns that are typically displayed by far end-of-the-spectrum Borderlines. When I began uploading articles on BPD to my website, there was almost no RELATABLE information about this disorder, on the internet.
Thankfully, none of the BPD laymen or clinicians I've worked with were malignant narcissists, but quite a few were pathologically Codependent, which prevented them from putting their own safety, needs and feelings FIRST in their relationship dynamics with borderline disordered partners.