Identity Crisis: The GOOD news nobody talks about.
Our sense of Self is an ever-shifting, evolving part of life, which at times, can feel pretty darned uncomfortable! We can’t always have a sense of Who we are, because we’re usually in a state of flux. In short, as we age and develop, we are in a constant state of ‘Becoming.’
People mention Mid-life Crisis (mine hit at 39), but few understand what it actually means. We humans casually bandy about the term “evolution,” yet most of us have no intimate relationship with our process of evolving, and can’t welcome it!
We accept our physical maturation, as a given. We’re sometimes woefully reminded of years that have passed, when our bathroom mirror reflects back to us an amended version of ourselves. We might try to accommodate these physical changes with courage and grace, but we are seldom pleased with how the passage of time has left its rudely unscheduled visitations upon our face and body.
The good news nobody talks about, is Emotional Evolution. Unlike physiological changes we can see clearly (especially in a magnifying mirror), the inside changes that inform on who we are year to year and decade to decade, are noticed by very few of us. Perhaps the more perceptive and introspective of us are privy to these inner-transitions, but I think it’s solid practice to be aware of.
I’m a Scorpio, and true to my sun sign’s nature, I have periodically re-invented myself my entire adult life. The plateaus have felt marvelous, but then the itch reasserts itself once again, to transform. Feelings of emerging discontent are always part of this picture, because where’s the motivation and impetus to grow and change, without it?
Are you feeling complacent, bored or under-satisfied on a frequent basis? This is your soul itching to expand. You can either talk yourself out of encroaching inner changes, or try and flow with it~ but watch out for impulsive, extravagant purchases. They may not bring about the lasting resolution you’re seeking.
Mid-life crisis is nothing more than having mastered the tasks at our present level of development (or maturation, if you will), and wanting to feel challenged, invigorated and enthusiastic again. This is our cue to check-in with what gives us feelings of joy, and what does not. When did we last experience this feeling, and what diminished it?
Oftentimes, we’ve built careers that helped us acquire monetary gains and lifestyles that own us, rather than the other way around. Talk to some lawyer or physician friends, and I guarantee that most feel stuck and unable to extract themselves from “The Life” they’d always dreamed about, but now feels uninspiring and tedious. Deep pockets systematically paid for all those luxuries, which make them the hardest lovers to leave.
The point of this post is, we are all in the process of Becoming~ even if we’re just striving for a more authentic, contented, joyful version of ourselves. Oh yes, a new romance, automobile, home or geographic locale can temporary lift and inspire within us a sense that ‘all is right’ in our world~ but deep down, we know our euphoria will be short-lived~ and once the novelty wears off, we’re back at square one, or so it seems.
Who you were 3 - 5 years ago, is not who you are today. Who you’ll be 3 - 5 years from now, is someone you may not instantly recognize, because you’ve continued to evolve~ whether you intended to, or not.
Did you leave your therapeutic relationship presuming you were finally repaired and complete? There’s no such thing, my dears~ at least, not in context of meaningful healing and growth work. Each decade of our life brings new gifts, experiences and challenges. We are constantly having to make internal adaptations, in order to adjust to our forever-changing bodies and psyches~ not to mention, our soul’s evolution!
Try to accept and invite even more healing and development. Be willing to keep getting re-acquainted with yourself as you grow and change. Making room for ongoing self-discovery is essential to transforming and evolving with grace, and never having to feel “bored,” a day in your life.