"IF BORDERLINES ARE SO AFRAID OF ABANDONMENT, WHY DO THEY PUSH US AWAY?!"
People with BPD traits have a very poor sense of Self. They're not only physical cutters, most are emotional cutters (brutally hard on themselves). Many are (also) pathologically codependent ~always people pleasing, and trying to 'buy' affection, acceptance and adoration from others. This dual diagnosis is extremely common among those who work in the psychotherapeutic profession.
For the Borderline, loss of Self (what little they have) always trumps fear of losing someone meaningful. This is why they may feel more at peace, happy and emotionally stable IN-BETWEEN romantic involvements.
Many people with BPD intermittently struggle with suicidal ideation. Due to having a severely underdeveloped sense of Self spawned by dissociation from emotions since around the age of two, it’s not too difficult to contemplate killing off half of a self, rather than an emotionally intact, whole one.
If you're someone who's always wondered, "if Borderlines are so “afraid of ABANDONMENT” (which is part of the BPD propaganda you’ll generally read online, written by folks who are ignorant about this disorder~ regardless of how many letters they have following their name) why do they push people away?" it's because they've become inured to abandonment since infancy, to where they literally anticipate and EXPECT IT!
ATTACHMENT is terrifying to BPD individuals, for it threatens what little sense of Self they've actually cultivated since they were very young, and triggers dependency and engulfment concerns: "If I let myself get really close to You, I’ll have to give-up too much of Me, and will cease to exist."
So few understand the etiology of this disorder, how and why it’s perpetuated generation to generation, and what is needed to repair, resolve and truly heal it. Borderlines are not bad people~ they’re just badly damaged (fractured inside), and have built solid defenses that act like a suit of armor, to protect them from further harm. BPD is a developmental arrest issue, not a “mental illness.” Too much emotional pain had to be dissociated from when Borderlines were little, for them to have developed into fully feeling, functional, self-actualized adults.
When a Borderline has engaged meaningful professional treatment, they begin forming an attachment to their therapist. For many, this is when they start to experience feelings of anxiety, for real (non-eroticized) closeness feels foreign to Borderlines and is hard to accommodate, without feeling the need to distance or flee. Sabotaging the therapeutic relationship is common practice for people with BPD traits.
When a Borderline begins making therapeutic strides, dependency fears emerge within (“I need this person”). Some search for a ‘fly in the (healing) ointment,’ and begin strategizing their Exit Plan from treatment.
None of this is consciously held by the BPD client or patient. It simply sits under their reliable umbrella of defensive behaviors that helped them survive beyond their tragic, tormented childhood. These clients generally experience sensations of relief once this therapeutic bond is broken. A solid and gifted professional, someone who really cares about helping others truly heal however, cannot help but experience a little heartbreak.