If change is GOOD, why do we resist it like the plague?

Even a small crate feels safer to a large dog in a new home.

Stagnancy and the status quo is comfortable, because it feels familiar to us. It’s our human nature to resist change, because for a short time at least, it feels destabilizing. If you stop and think about it for a minute, nothing and nobody can change without experiencing a brief period of destabilization.

If you think it’s possible to not feel somewhat uncomfortable in a new job, a new house or apartment, a new car and even a new relationship, ya haven’t lived long enough to know better.

As an example, you might wanna remodel the kitchen in your home, but may not be able to pre-imagine nor be prepared for the tearing down and reconstruction that’s needed to create your brand new cooking environment. Thus, even though your “dream kitchen” is thrilling to contemplate, this project can feel daunting, anxiety provoking and monumentally stressful to your daily life, until the upgrade is finished~ and there you sit feeling, “What was I thinking?!” all the way through, until it is!

l’ve always told my clients that regardless of how rapidly genuine Healing Work helps us turn corners and make life-altering strides, change must happen gradually~ or you’ll feel so destabilized while it’s occurring, you’ll think you’re going crazy. I’m more patient today having learned this fact, than when I started out in the business of helping people mend what was broken inside ‘em.

I love the expression, “The Buck Stops Here,” because it typically signifies that radical change is desired and about to be implemented. It’s a courageous determination that very few manage to make during the course of their lifetime. It means one has gained acute awareness of destructive or unsavory behavior patterns they’ve observed in their parents or an older sibling, and consciously commits to setting their own life up very differently.

For many of us, our parent’s or sibling’s greatest gift to us, has been to provide a stellar example of who we never wanted to become. Contrast can serve us well, if we’re willing to recognize, accommodate and use it to better ourselves.

As a kid, I recall my mother frequently saying she was “bored.” How I wondered, can any parent be bored, while watching a child of theirs grow and develop?! Change happens so rapidly in children, if ya blink you could miss it!

I inherited a lotta great qualities from my mom, even though her Schizophrenia took her away from home during frequent hospitalizations. Even when she was around, she was seldom present. It was nearly impossible to get her attention. A litany of novels absorbed all her focus, while she chain-smoked her Kool cigarettes. At five years old, I was an invisible child after my parents divorced, and pretty much raised myself.

Somewhere during this life’s travels (and I can’t tell ya when it happened) I chose not to succumb to my mother’s boredom, as it seemed like an existence devoid of curiosity, contentment and joy. My mother relied on stimulation outside herself, to break through her sense of The Blahs. I somehow reasoned there was a better way to live, and began my inner journey of self-discovery.

I’m essentially a homebody. I like hanging out and relaxing with Me. I rarely derive outside stimulation from others, unless I’m working or interacting a bit with folks at the grocery store. I never feel bored.

*This leads me to ponder why so few seem able to drive anywhere and simply listen to and enjoy music while in their car. Given the vast number of calls I get from friends on the road to somewhere, I’m guessing they have a hard time being alone with themselves.

Are these people their own worst enemy, or their own best friend? Only they can answer this question. Nobody enjoys hanging out with an abuser. If that abuser is yourself, maybe some old, bad habits are begging to be changed.

Self-discovery can be a thrilling ride! It’s not about mentally analyzing yourself, it’s about getting intimately acquainted with every part of your being, and fully accepting all your personality dimensions (light and dark), and noticing which may not serve you well, and working to smooth-out the rough edges on ‘em a bit, without judging them harshly in the process.

I’ve come to recognize, accept and embrace my narcissism and control issues. They’ve helped me survive profound challenges and setbacks throughout my childhood and adult years, by being fiercely self-protective and looking out for Me. I routinely monitor my narcissism, so it’s less likely to sneak out and harm those about whom I care. Some days I do much better with it than other days. So what?

The people ya really have to worry about, are those who can’t/won’t attend to their basic physical and emotional needs in this lifetime, due to an absence of narcissism! And who made ‘em feel like they weren’t worthy of getting these needs met, during childhood? Old beliefs and habits we forged as little kids, die hard.

We are all flawed and imperfect, yet we’re often presented with opportunities to grow, heal and change for the better.

I’m not sensing we ever reach our Idealized Self, but with a little effort, we can continue to get closer to it. Still, the ‘plateaus’ along the way can feel pretty darned great.

Change cannot occur within a vacuum, and it cannot occur without risk. Life happens to us, and so does change. Sometimes, much needed change is involuntary and we wanna curse it, due to the strain and/or inconvenience it drops in our lap~ yet it can move us to the next leg of our journey, which might actually be more pleasurable or rewarding, than what we left.

Just ask a gal who lost everything she’s ever owned in an unexpected home fire, and landed in a place that looks and feels very close to Heaven. :~)

What long-standing patterns (familial or otherwise) have YOU thought about changing? Are you brave enough to say, “the buck stops here” and really mean it, even if it means making the decision not to have kids in this lifetime, not marrying and having a string of divorces behind ya, not being a consumer of junk food and ruining your health, or not being a shop-a-holic like your sibling or parent who’s forever in debt and has unremitting money worries?

You are capable of being a pattern-breaker. Just know it’s gonna feel a bit uneasy or uncomfortable at first, just like skiing down a mountain on fresh powder, rather than traversing the slick, packed, well-worn routes you’ve always preferred before. The discomfort doesn’t last long at all, because you’re adapting and adjusting each day to something that feels a little foreign.

Be patient with yourself. Soon, the little (or large) changes you decide to make, are gonna feel as natural to you as breathing.