If We're Reluctant To CRY, Real HEALING Is Beyond Our Reach.

People will sometimes respond to my YouTube videos with, "I just wish all this crying would stop, and I could heal and move on!"

The fact that we are ALLOWING ourselves to cry, is healing in itself (how much opportunity for this did we have as little kids?)! I’ve been fortunate to work with many psychotherapists and clinical psychologists during the course of my practice, and several would just sob, as soon as I picked up the phone when they called for their session.

We didn’t speak for 1/2 to 2/3’s of their hour with me. I knew instinctively, they had a deep need to let these tears flow, and I simply held them lovingly in that space, and offered verbal comfort. These were the unexpressed tears from infancy and early childhood. They had to be allowed to come out, or healing would remain elusive.

Learning to self-soothe when we're in pain, gives genuine sympathy and compassion to the emotionally maimed child within, and our tears allow old, stuck, impacted trauma to leave our body cells~ which if unreleased, causes energy blockages that lead to physical disease and deterioration.

Think of crying, as purging your long-standing pain. Even the stuff your conscious mind hasn’t retained. Quit assuming it should have an "end-date."

Most of my clients over the years, have reported “crying out of the clear blue!” They’re well into their healing journey, they’re feeling light and good, and suddenly on “the drive home from work,” they spontaneously start sobbing! It’s confusing when this happens, because we started mentally analyzing our pain from around the age of two, yet we can’t put our finger on why copious tears are now erupting~ seemingly, for no reason whatsoever!

I understand this phenomenon, thusly: As we continue to heal, grow and embrace our newfound empowerment, far deeper layers of stored, impacted pain start to float to the surface to be re-experienced and released. You’d think these would be even more agonizing than what we’ve already had to trudge thru, but they’re not. We are much stronger and more whole now. We’ve had considerable practice with tolerating emotional pain in the body (without analyzing it), so it doesn’t scare us anymore, or make us dread and run away from it (this is called emotional dissociation).

It's absolutely vital to understand that the little girl or boy inside us ain't goin’ anywhere! This is an integral part of us that will remain until the day we leave this physical body, and beyond. To ignore the needs of our child-self to finally receive tenderness and compassion he/she so desperately craves in order to heal, replicates the gross neglect many us had to endure when we were little!

Stop judging these more vulnerable aspects in you as wrong or shameful, and allow yourself to cry as much as possible! Flow with whatever 'mood' your inner kid needs to express~ even when it’s anger. Try to be a sensitive, caring and understanding parent, big brother or older sister to him or her. Try tenderness and patience rather than ridicule, when he/she is feeling down, inert or in a bad mood.

As tiny children, many of us didn't receive this care when we needed it! We one day decided it wasn't a good thing to HAVE needs, because it felt frustrating and painful when they weren't responded to, and we forced ourselves to be "adult-like" (and devoid of needs) when we were barely out of diapers.

We became caregivers, fixers, rescuers and pathologically codependent beings, who've chosen relationships based on another's need for us, rather than discerning what needs of ours can get met by them. Reciprocal relationship bonds are foreign to us. We have a really hard time RECEIVING, because we had little opportunity to learn we were worthy of being generously attended to, from infancy onward.

Is this touching a cord inside you? Are you feeling a little sadness for yourself? Congratulations! It's about fucking time.

Be kind to the child inside you. Never criticize, shame or guilt him or her. We are supposed to make mistakes as we go thru life. How else are we gonna learn how to do anything differently or better? How will we start discerning what NOT to do, if it doesn't result in pain and disappointment for us?

Learn to be a patient and loving Parent to yourself. You've got only one shot to do this, while you're still here in this body. Heal and grow, so you don't have to schlep this shit into your next lifetime, and struggle with it all over again!

Our souls are journeying thru many rotations. With some determination and a little luck, we keep growing, refining and expanding our Happiness quotient. Wisdom and healing are cumulative. There's no way on God's green earth, we can capture all this stuff in just one lifetime~ but we sure as hell can better prepare ourselves for the ones that follow.

I hope that on this Sunday, you’ll find a way to celebrate with the little girl or boy inside you who has done a remarkable job of surviving thus far, and think about how the two of you can move a bit closer to thriving together, as you walk hand-in-hand toward a more loving and nourishing bond. Amen.