If ya know anything about human nature, we are ALL "Bad People" once in awhile!
NOBODY dances in the light 24/7, and if they TELL ya they do, they're lyin' to your face!
Has the sky fallen when you’ve told a white lie? Did the world come to an end when you disappointed a friend? Has planet Earth spun clear out of its orbit when you failed to remember someone’s anniversary or birth date? (NO?? Imagine THAT!)
Then WHY the hell do so many humans live with such dread, guilt and shame when they fail to act “perfectly”?! Damned if I know~ but I’ve stayed curious about this issue for decades, and have landed on some worthy hypotheses!
I have personally, long-embraced my dark side. By contrast, it always seems to magnify my ‘lightness,’ and saves me from being a life-sized, one-dimensional cardboard cutout of a predictable, boring-as-hell individual. Besides, if God objected to me having these delightfully darker personality facets, I’m certain he’d have created me without ‘em.
My God is friendly, supportive, protective, and has a terrific sense of humor. I relish making him chuckle. During times of great emotional duress, I’ve vehement prayed and gotten audible replies. My faith and trust in my maker has been tested, yet he always comes thru for me. This is MY intimate, spiritual connection~ but it’s up to You to find and cultivate yours.
A man in my 20’s called me a “shit disturber.” While I didn’t know what that meant back then, I’m guessing he saw a facet in me I hadn’t recognized nor come to claim for myself, as yet. (Who really knows themselves in their early 20’s? Isn’t that what life experiences and aging are supposed to give us?)
People-Pleasers, fixers, rescuers, Codependents and “Goody Two-shoes” (which was the very WORST thing you could be called, when I was in grammar school), are one-dimensional, flat and boring. They’re hyper-controlling of their emotions, to the extent they make themselves physically ill, end up with Anxiety Disorder, Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder traits, or all three.
These are NOT “good people,” because they’re not fully-feeling, well-functioning beings, who’ve accepted both the light AND dark aspects of their human nature, and have gotten to a ‘place of grace’ by embracing ALL facets of themselves, not just a select few! In short, partial people~ or those with a very narrow set of personality traits, cannot be GOOD PEOPLE, because they are undercooked emotionally and incomplete, in contrast to how human evolution intended them to be.
I often laugh when a stranger remarks, “you’re SUCH a nice person!” (My friends know better, because I’m always emotionally authentic with ‘em.) It seems that if you’re kind or generous to people, they presume you’re that way 24/7. Let me be perfectly clear: I am not.
I’ve always strived to balance the dark parts of me with the light parts~ and so far, that’s worked pretty well (but God help you, if ya cross me!). I very much enjoy and celebrate my darkness. It’s fascinating and mighty … and probably a lot more interesting than my lightness. Fully accepting and embracing both aspects, is what’s made me a far more intriguing personality, than if I operated from only one side or the other.
As a side note (in case some of you are wondering), Borderlines are highly invested in being seen as perfect, and without flaws or shortcomings. Suppression of their dark aspects can only be temporary/short-lived. These unsavory features invariably erupt with explosive force, just like a pressure cooker that’s not able to let off a little steam, while it’s stewing its contents on very high heat. Chaos and destruction are the only possible outcomes. Teach a Borderline to connect with, discern and verbally express their difficult emotions (rather than acting them out), saves a whole lotta cleanup!
GOOD people are emotionally whole, healthy people. They don’t explode on ya out of the blue, because they don’t shun, hate and shame themselves for their darker parts, so these emotions are not suppressed to the point they have to explode and spew red-hot, destructive, molten lava from a previously inactive volcano, and destroy everything in its path (including people who actually matter to the spewer).
If you’re sitting on unresolved anger, rage or depression from your childhood, you are NOT a “good person” (regardless of how much you give to others), until you resolve and HEAL that shit inside you with someone who knows how to get ya there~ because much to your surprise, you’ll keep murdering perfectly solid and loving relationship bonds, until you do.
HAPPY 2024, my dears. Think about working toward becoming a whole person, starting with this brand new year, because “good people” are a dime a dozen.