I worked with a client some years back who's a Borderline. She had a litany of symptoms related to her personality disorder, not the least of which was emotional dissociation.
She routinely cheated on her husband, had food phobias, her teenaged son had recently identified as female, and she almost immediately after starting work with me, immersed herself in a 'business success' program that (ironically enough) honored no sense of professional boundaries. To me, it was new-age quackery.
Borderlines FEAR attachment~ even to a professional who's attempting to help them. She HAD to diffuse her work with me, because the terror of relying on any single source for help felt too daunting.
In my BPD male article, I call this multi-therapist issue intended to manage one's anxiety of feeling too close, The Buckshot Method. The client keeps a 'stable' of professionals on hand, in case of any unforeseen "emergency" that might arise.
I've had psychologists in my practice, who try to maintain several therapeutic relationships at once. The minute I find out a client is seeing someone else for help besides me, I sign off the deal. Too many cooks in the kitchen spoil the broth. At some point, the clinicians' paths will diverge, and what happens to the rider who's standing on the backs of more than one horse?
I gave her options: Either she go on hiatus with that program, or with me. I was willing to resume with her, once she'd finished her "course." She replied that she had no intention of finishing. This program would be ongoing, she said. My integrity wouldn't allow me to continue working with her, as it was obvious she'd already undermined her progress.
My sense was that she'd one day contact me again. She did, about 1.5 years later. She was now divorced, romantically involved with a woman, her business had failed and closed, and there was no mention whatsoever of her child in the email she'd sent me. Still incredibly self-absorbed, poor dear.
This gal apologized profusely for squandering her opportunity to recover, and implored me to work with her again. Can you guess my answer?
A solid therapeutic relationship must be one of MUTUAL trust. Once trust is undermined for client OR practitioner, a meaningful bond can rarely be reestablished. Sadly, her life has gone from bad to worse. I feel sad about this~ mostly because we'd shared a vibrant connection for a short time, and I felt quite confident her difficulties could all be resolved with my care.
The transgender movement has spread like a malignant, metastasized, inoperable tumor since the time I was in contact with this client. She'd asked me back then, if I would consider working with her child, and I had agreed.
My biggest regret in this situation, was not getting the chance to save one more kid from a lifetime of regret and emotional despair.
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Hi Dario, to me, it sounds kinda like you were blackmailed. Your desire to seek help elsewhere, is in My view, an indicator that you mighta felt 'stuck' or stagnant with your existing therapist (name not necessary), and felt a need to try a different approach. Had I been in your therapist's place, I'd have given you free rein to venture off, but conveyed that my door was always OPEN to you, if you ever wished to return! Can't say I approve of your therapist's actions... sorry! They seem self-serving to me.
When I was in therapy from April of 1995 until very late January of 2003(I returned to therapy in September of 2022 after layoff of 19 and a half years), I had thought of seeing another shrink while I was in therapy with Dr. Carol Trifari Cohen, but when I discussed this with Dr. Cohen, she warned me against doing this, as it would conflict with our patient-therapist relationship and it would cause the end of my therapy with Dr. Cohen. I took her advice and didn't do it. After reading this article of yours, Shari, I'm very glad I didn't commit this action.