Just a bit more about Borderlines, in case you're still unclear about BPD traits.

You can't discern it's a beautiful, shiny red apple with a mealy core, till you take it home from the store and cut it open.

People with Borderline Personality Disorder lack the ability to think rationally and logically, which is why it’s impossible to reason with them, get ‘em to acknowledge your viewpoint, or discern fact from fiction.

Young children and Borderlines see their world in a very linear way~ that is to say, every situation is either black (wrong) or white (right). They cannot fathom ‘grey’ areas, or determine how to react or respond to life on a case-to-case basis. A Borderline has to believe that their perspectives are valid and real, in order to feel any sense of stability. Getting ‘em to change their mind or see life thru a different lens, is a pipe dream.

Ever challenge a hyper-religious individual on their beliefs?? They will rail against you like you’re The Devil, as if their views are the only correct ones, and chiseled in stone (like the Ten Commandments)! Many Borderlines are drawn to rigid social paradigms, such as intense yoga practice, fundamentalist religions, Buddhism, strict vegan diets, etc. As long as they have a higher authority dictating how they should feel, think and behave, they feel somewhat secure and safe. People with BPD traits are incapable of independent thought, which is why they mimic, parrot and plagiarize original works by others.

BPD is a spectrum disorder, but a full blown Borderline has no sense of propriety, impulse-control, empathy or boundaries/borders. While they can experience feelings of sympathy for another, they cannot identify with nor relate to someone else’s inner experiences, perspectives, needs, feelings or pain. This is their lack of EMPATHY, which makes problem or conflict-solving impossible.

Many people with BPD traits are pathological liars (acute example, Joe Biden). They lie about things that have no actual bearing on a situation, and make you wonder just what their payoff is, and why they ostensibly feel an irrepressible need to do it!

Borderlines project their own unfavorable facets onto you. They’ll accuse YOU of cheating on em, when it is they who are on the precipice of breaking (or have broken) a commitment bond, whether emotionally or physically/sexually. Projection is a common BPD trait. We see this in spades, among politically “liberal” factions these days.

A Borderline will often gaslight you. They’ll swear that your perceptions of them or a situation/event are ludicrous and invalid~ and they’re so utterly convincing, you think YOU are the one who’s crazy! A former friend (and PsyD colleague) killed her 5th marital partner in this manner. She effectively convinced him his perceptions were distorted/crazy, put him in a care facility and he died there, believing he no longer possessed any cognitive competency.

I watched the felling of her husband happen, and knew on their wedding day this bright, remarkably talented man would be destroyed by her… but try warning a man who’s madly in love, that this ‘perfect angel’ he’s committing his life to has a sinister dark side that won’t emerge till after their nuptials, is on par with flying to the moon strapped only to a banana. Did I mention how sexually and emotionally seductive people with BPD are??

Borderlines undermine their children with critical, shaming, guilting comments. This child lacks a warm, responsive, nurturing bond from the time he leaves his mother’s womb, and grows up assuming his inability to RECEIVE these vital supplies are his fault, because he’s “defective.” All Borderlines are narcissistic, incidentally.

This child will forever live with the faulty ideation, “I’m not good enough, or lovable,” and be attracted to partners who in subtle or overt ways validate and confirm for him, his self evaluations are true. In short, he has grown up with a distorted sense of what love is supposed to feel like, because if there’s no pain of longing for someone who’s slightly out of reach emotionally, he cannot interpret that connection as being “True Love.”

REAL LOVE is never painful, because the one who loves us back, doesn’t trigger the feelings of heart-ache we experience within an unreciprocated emotional attachment bond. If you experience these feelings for someone, they are NOT love at all~ they’re merely painful feelings of yearning for what you’ve always needed, but have never had opportunity to receive!

Contrary to popular belief both in layman and psycho-therapeutic communities, Borderlines are NOT afraid of “abandonment.” They’d adapted and adjusted to being emotionally abandoned since infancy! This is always their expectation. What Borderlines fear most, is Attachment. Attachment (to a Borderline) means loss of Self (what little they have) and autonomy. A Borderline will hold on for dear life to whatever semblance of self they have. Even if it’s a highly dysfunctional one, it’s an identity with which they’ve grown familiar and comfortable (many are fairly content to live with Anxiety Disorder and OCD traits).

Countless clients have left my care, just as they’ve begun to make tangible progress in terms of healing and emotional growth, because to continue relying on me (emotionally) stirs a subliminal anxiety for them that asserts, “if I let myself trust and feel close to this person, I will lose all semblance of autonomy, which I’m unwilling to risk.” In essence, their essential “I” will cease to exist. Just as an infant is dependent on his mother for the first few years of his life, and his growing trust in Her becomes the foundation for him forging trust in Himself to navigate life on his own, the same is true of emotional development work.

One’s fear of dependency on a solid/skilled practitioner is an erroneous assumption of course, because the core of growth and true healing work empowers clients to build an unshakably vibrant, independent, whole Self that is capable of ongoing, permanent emotional Self-reliance.

Besides, anyone who keeps one in treatment long-term is failing to recognize a client’s need for a more sustainable and efficacious approach, and accept that they’re just not a solid and helpful therapeutic fit for said client. Therapeutic assistance in ANY domain, whether physiological or psychological, must always have the client’s best interest at heart. These are humans~ not Guinea Pigs.

Therapists who cannot own their shortcomings or recognize their clinical skill limitations, owe it to themselves AND their clients to invest in routine mentoring work with an older and wiser practitioner, so they can “First, Do No Harm” to those who are paying for their time and expertise.

But alas, well-developed, healthy Ego strength is needed to fully accept who we ARE, as well as who we AREN’T (in our personal and professional spheres), and feel at ease and at peace with this balance.