Most Borderlines like me, 'cause they finally understand (from my writings) WHY happiness has always eluded 'em. A few still hate me.
LOL... just another day in Paradise, folks. A Borderline confronted me in a direct Facebook message, misquoting that I wrote, "All Borderlines are narcissists." What I actually stated is, all “Borderlines are narcissistic” ~which is in many cases, quantitatively different.
This was an example of BPD cognitive distortion at work, once again. She vehemently threatened and tried to bully me into taking down the post (God only knows where she even saw it) which I found pretty laughable.
The lack of emotional development in Borderlines AND Narcissists, which makes them incapable of experiencing empathy, is spawned by dissociation from various difficult feelings from a very early age onward. Disconnection from our emotions drives all addiction, because addictive substances or behaviors are used to numb or distract from inner pain.
Hyper-analysis of painful inner feelings is the FIRST dissociation tool we learn around the age of 2 - 3 years old (once we begin to develop vocabulary and can talk to ourselves), and most people maintain this method of easing or escaping difficult emotions, lifelong. This practice becomes habitual at an early age, because it supplies a modicum of relief.
Any method that offers relief (regardless of how minor) from inner distress, we habitually keep turning to, the rest of our lives. As soon as we begin feeling bad in childhood, we look for the "why" of it, or try to apply a "because" to these scary, difficult feelings inside our body, and dissociation is reinforced each and every time we’re in pain.
Psychotherapy is an ANALYTIC process that exacerbates an adult child's need to bypass emotional agony. It does not resolve nor heal it, and never will. In short, INSIGHT about our inner turmoil or anguish, can’t resolve it~ though we might find some solace thru having our confusion about it eased.
Far too many still believe that discovering the 'source' of their pain during psychotherapeutic expeditions, will make it magically vanish. Were this true, no emotional dysregulation would continue to exist in our world, and absolutely nobody'd be staying in treatment for decades!
When one is developmentally arrested since they were a toddler, they begin looking for all sorts of ‘remedies’ to fill the hole in their soul. The most common 'fix' usually comes in the form of validation from the opposite sex. There's a deep craving in Borderlines to have their appeal confirmed~ and yet, the BPD male or female cannot accept love from a consistently nourishing source, because they don't feel worthy of receiving it.
Poor self worth spawns from our infancy experiences with Mother. It's never a "bad Dad" issue. We derive our sense of Self in the first days and weeks of life, from our maternal object. If she does not return our adoration (acquired while bonding with her in the womb), we automatically blame ourselves ("I must not be good enough or lovable") and experience heartbreak and shame.
This negative self-reflection is never outgrown without highly-specific professional assistance, and BPD traits remain indefinitely. Like attracts like, and no emotionally whole, healthy person is attracted to someone who is not~ so the Borderline disordered male or female continues to experience tragic, painful relationship endings, which further erode their self-esteem.
This cycle repeats indefinitely, until one is willing (with the right type of help) to rebuild themselves from the ground up. This process involves re-associating the BPD client with a full litany of feelings in their emotional repertoire, and the diligent application of self-worth building tools which are used to grow and heal the 3 - 4 year old child within.
Boy! Our emotional development really begins with our mothers. It's little wonder why people like me have this hatred for their mothers when they first suffer from depression. How sad. 😢😞