Ambivalent feelings are a part of life. One part of us wants something, and the other part or parts don't.
It matters NOT what our rational mind tells us, emotional ambivalence (feeling torn between two choices) can create within us an enormous sense of unrest. Feeling in limbo, has the same incredibly uncomfortable impact on us.
Under both these conditions, we can't feel a sense of grounding or control. We're “neither here nor there,” and it often seems we can't do a damned thing about it. Adding insult to injury, we might judge ourselves as “weak” or not being able to ‘pull the trigger’ on a choice we firmly believe we should be able to act on.
There's no shame, in having gotten caught in this predicament. Readiness for something can take considerable time to get to. It cannot be rushed, contrary to what many might believe. Mid-life crisis (at any age) can trap us in a damned if I do, damned if I don’t kind of place. Ambivalence is a ruthless dominatrix who won’t un-cuff you, no matter how hard you plead for it.
Try to honor the ambivalence you feel. It's often there to protect you from making choices or decisions you aren't completely ready to make. Your Higher Self is working in the background at all times, trying to help you do what serves you best.
Impulsivity often gets in the way of this very important process. Take your time, and try and respect where you're at. Time is on your side, so there's no rush to get to the other side, except for the profound discomfort you're in, while wanting to chisel your decision in stone.
Big life-altering decisions are best served by taking it slow.
This article is almost like a poem. So fluid.