My views on loving (from Facebook posting 4 years ago), that seem worthy of recycling.

I learned many years ago in relation to a friend and colleague, that if I lose trust or respect for ya, I can't love ya.

If I keep trying to stay engaged with you past the loss of trust or respect, I betray myself~ and for me, that's never been an option worth considering.

Loving someone is far more than feeling a deep emotional or sexual connection with ‘em. It requires that you feel continuously SAFE with that person. When feelings of trust evaporate, how can you possibly feel safe or secure? When respect for someone is lost, how could you keep WANTING to?

People dissociated from their feelings make all kinds of mistakes romantically, because they're shooting in the dark hoping to magically hit the bullseye, when they can't even see the target. And “love is blind,” because it’s too often agenda-driven.

These people have relied on thinking their way thru life, but have never been able to trust their extrasensory powers to help em determine a Right fit from a Wrong one. Only our instincts and intuition can help us make these selections... not our head.

This type of individual constantly second-guesses their decisions and choices, because there's no sensation inside their body that informs ‘em they're on the right track. They typically brush aside or ignore subtle signals their body is giving ‘em, in favor of meeting a romantic or sexual agenda.

Someone can look great on paper. They're charming, charismatic, funny, beautiful or handsome... but if you're not paying attention to the tiny voice inside your body that's tellin ya, "this seems too good to be true," you're gonna fall head-over-heels for someone who's gonna turn on you the minute they think they've secured the relationship, and you're "all-in."

Many clients have told me, "I didn't listen to my subtle feelings when I started getting to know my ex. Or, I paid no attention to the inconsistencies, self-contradictions and little red flags that cautioned me to slow down, or told me to get the fuck outta there!"

Dissociation from emotions is not the exclusive domain of people with Borderline Personality Disorder. It's ultra-typical of people with fixing, helping, codependency features, as well. Like attracts like. We are attracted to people who precisely match our own level of emotional development, because they share our vibration. We are literally magnetized to ‘em.

If you remain disconnected from your emotions, you have no protection. No self-preservation instincts and no internal compass or GPS that can bring you to your destination safely. This is merely another argument for getting yourself into acutely beneficial Feeling Work with a skilled professional.

Your psychotherapist might say to you, "why don't you just FEEL this”, or “can't you connect with your feelings about that?" We hear this all the time in therapist's offices.

The trouble is, they have no clue about teaching you HOW to experience and endure your emotions in your body (while staying the fuck outta your head), they've simply assumed you've entered treatment knowing how to do it, just like Their therapist did with them. BAM!’