Narcissism: The dark side of Super-Givers

It's so funny to me, that super-givers never consider how the person on the receiving end feels. The assumption I imagine is, they're grateful. They appreciate me. They're thankful I'm in their life... but there's a dark side to giving that nobody ever seems to consider.

If you had someone in YOUR life who was always tending to you, helping you, rescuing you, being there for you~ could you feel good about yourself? Wouldn't you have to live with a nagging sense of obligation to reciprocate their generosity? No matter how well-intentioned you are, would you feel able to repay them? And if you couldn't, might this trigger some shame or guilt for you??

Narcissism in the Giver neglects to consider the emotional ramifications for the person on the receiving end of that deal. If we're gonna keep doing what we've BEEN doing, shouldn't we be willing to look at the whole picture, rather than only half of it??

I used to have a couple of gal pals who'd often pick up the check for meals we shared. While I greatly appreciated the gesture, it always made me feel a bit embarrassed~ kinda like when I had to go on food stamps in my 20's while searching for a job (after being fired from a bartending gig) that'd help me keep a roof over my head.

I never liked being in that disempowered position, and I can't imagine too many people who do. It makes us feel 'less-than' the other, and it's not a pleasant sensation (if we have even a modicum of pride or self-esteem).

How do we differentiate between having a kind and generous nature, and over-giving? The generous person may have a desire to give, if and when he/she is able and it doesn't compromise them in any way. The Over-Giver gives and gives, never once considering the cost of it to themselves, their time, their energy, their finances, etc.

So, next time you feel compelled to counsel, help or rescue someone in need or pain, please interrupt that reflex long enough to consider the level of shame you may be triggering in that other person, and weigh the downside inherent in your need to once again, feel mightier or more empowered than they. If you ever feel like “no good deed goes unpunished,” it’s because those you reflexively give to, resent ya for it.