Okay, so you've learned to LOVE~ but are ya able and ready to RECEIVE it?
Insights into the Borderline Personality Crucible.
It’s not just that Borderlines cannot love (genuine attachment scares the bejesus out of ‘em) it’s that they cannot receive love, either. Let me explain:
Children with BPD moms are often rebuffed (pushed aside) when they wanna demonstrate affection for their mothers. Many have told me, “I remember her (mom) always stiffening, when I’d try to hug her.”
I myself, had a gal pal like this many years ago. Imagine if you will, being 3 or 4 years old, and not being able to receive a warm, welcoming smile and outstretched arms, when you wished to share your adoration for Mom.
One who grows up without a receptive, open and loving parent, is always afraid they’ll scare someone off and be rejected, if they let themselves demonstrate “too much” affection for another.
One who holds this view, grew up with a borderline disordered mother. Not only was it unsafe to love, it was unsafe to trust gestures of affection from others, for fear they’d rapidly evaporate or be disingenuous!
The Borderline mother may give her kid a hug now and then, but it’s always on Her terms, and when she is in the mood for closeness. This child will literally disrupt/stop whatever he or she is doing in the moment, in order to receive these rare moments of warmth from Mother, because he/she knows it will likely be a very long time, before they come around again. If they ever do.
When we grow up having to learn this very intricate (come-here/go-away) dance with an emotionally impaired mother, our skewed relational pattern within romantic attachments is chiseled in stone. Borderlines feel smothered, suffocated and anxious when someone is consistently loving and emotionally available. Pity the person whose actually capable of loving them.
The Borderline Personality grew up with a grossly distorted definition of what love is. Due to the fact they could not get their emotional needs for bonding and attachment reciprocated by an underdeveloped mother, painful sensations of longing and yearning for her love, were an everyday occurrence. Thus, if there’s no inner pain that accompanies a romantic connection, it cannot possibly be defined as “True Love.”
Borderline Personality Disorder has reached epidemic proportions in societies all over the globe. Poor parenting is at the core of this issue, and it’s sadly replicated generation to generation~ because WHO we grew up loving, whether they returned our love or not, is who we’re programmed to bond with and marry, in adulthood.
Yes, it’s a sad state of affairs~ and what’s sadder, is that psychotherapy (in all its varietal forms) can’t help borderline disordered people heal. BPD is a developmental arrest issue. There’s nothing wrong with a Borderline’s mind (they’re typically very bright)! It’s their heart that’s needed mending, since infancy! Traditional forms of therapeutic intervention are always head-centered~ but can someone with the emotional development of only a 3 year-old actually benefit from a cerebral, insight-based approach?? Could YOU, at that age?
In my experience, unless you can help a Borderline grow emotionally by re-associating them with a litany of feelings they had to bury and kill off during childhood (in order to survive in their home environment), you have no shot at getting them well. Self-worth building ‘power-tools’ are also an essential part of helping a Borderline surmount and mitigate poor self-worth issues that were invariably implanted and perpetuated, since they were newborns.
Intrigued? Wanna understand BPD better? 25 articles on this fascinating topic await you: https://ShariSchreiber.com/articles-and-forums