Only when you fully KNOW yourself, can you feel comfortable BEING yourself.
I'm thinking you've figured out by now, that I make my thoughts, views and feelings very public, in a way 98% of humans would never dare to.
Why is this? Well, I'm a fully-formed grown woman who likes and respects herself, and believes in openly stating things most would only think, but never write about or say out loud.
I'm not all that different from you. I've just worked for many years to solidify my sense of Self, and not be afraid of offending someone or being judged or labeled for speaking my truth. I also allow, that if my opinions and perspectives ever change, you'll hear about that, too!
We grow up so fucking afraid of our own shadow. Literally. Our parental units were often hyper-controlling, shaming and guilting to us just for being natural children, that we had to walk an impossible tightrope to please them, or risk being banished or exiled~ in short, cut-off from their love and attention.
How does any human child grow up with a healthy, multi-dimensional sense of Self under these circumstances?? THEY DON'T.
Adding insult to injury, the facets of a child that are inconvenient or unpleasant for their parent to accommodate, become reviled and disenfranchised from the child~ never to be reclaimed or reintegrated into one's personality in adulthood. This to me, is only one of the tragic consequences of having been poorly parented.
The outcome of this type of early deficit is, we have millions of people all over the world, living with partial personalities. Truly, half of all personality dimensions are missing in these individuals who typically grow up to be People-Pleasers, fixers/rescuers, Narcissists, Borderlines and pathological Codependents.
A HEALTHY personality is one which comfortably moves in and out of both lighter facets and darker ones, without judgment or self-ridicule about either. If your parental unit(s) treated your sadness, your rage or anger, your boredom or inertia with disdain, you naturally will too.
Maybe, it's finally time to get help to learn about who you really are and aren't, so you can focus on growing into full self-acceptance, and begin approaching what to "normal" folks, feels like Happiness.