People say, dating's hard. I say, that's the EASY part!
Dating’s only difficult, if you have an agenda to fulfill. Many understandably see Dating as a prelude to Mating, and here’s where the process can get pretty dicey and challenging.
If you’re looking for the love of your life or someone to settle down and raise a family with, dating can feel less agreeable than having bamboo shoved under your fingernails, because it’s bound to trigger feelings of frustration, disappointment and even, despair.
I was lucky in this lifetime. I always knew I didn’t want children, so marriage was never a priority for me. I was also fiercely independent (and still am), so relying on a man to financially support me wasn’t my idea of “security.” I always figured that if something flew at me on a silver platter, it could just as easily fly away~ and would likely do so, at an inopportune time.
So, if I was ever gonna thrive in this lifetime, I was determined to do it under my own steam. This of course, presented its share of drawbacks, but the compromises still seemed minimal, compared to alternative options I imagined. Have I any regrets about my choices while navigating the world of romance? That’s a hard NO.
It’s not “dating” that’s hard. It’s loving that is. There are essential ingredients you must anticipate and secure as part of the mix, when you decide to give your heart over to someone for safe-keeping. The primary one, is Trust. Second is Respect, and lastly, Admiration for a partner is important, if you’re serious about finding a life mate.
I’ve always found it incomprehensible that most people have a totally different set of criteria for their close, intimate friends, than they do for lovers or spouses! Trust is grown and established over a great deal of time (sometimes years or decades) with good friends, but far too many don’t bother holding their romantic partners to similar standards.
Why do we compromise so much when it comes to assessing a lover’s character, integrity, capacity for empathy, honesty, and ability to reciprocate our kindness, generosity and love?? Have You ever pondered this question for yourself?
There’s an old saying that asserts, “Love is blind.” It’s not that love is blind, it’s that infatuation is. The intensely pleasurable sensations we experience during sex while infatuated, produce feelings of euphoria. Euphoria’s a lot like being inebriated on alcohol or various other mind-altering drugs. Everything looks rosier. Events that would normally irritate us or cause us concern, seem miniscule under the influence of inebriating substances, which is largely why humans so poorly choose life partners. Their judgement is severely impaired.
We’ve all heard the expression, “falling in love.” The word, “falling” implies being out of control, yet isn’t it bizarre how many people crave those out-of-control feelings they get in the midst of a new infatuation? And don’t these same people work very hard to regain their sense of control, once the initial Honeymoon phase with another begins to dissipate?? Of course they do~ it’s only natural to yearn for a semblance of autonomy and independence, once the dust settles on an exhilarating new romance (and it always does)!
I’ve found it’s emotionally far more sound and sensible to Grow in Love with someone, than to ‘fall’ in love with them. This process takes considerably longer, and yet the payoff is, you get to really know the other person, their idiosyncrasies, the ways they’re both compatible and incompatible with you, and how adept they are at problem-solving, if there’s ever a conflict or disagreement between you.
You get to see how they act and react under stressful situations, and whether they keep loving you, even when you’ve unwittingly disappointed them. Are YOU the only one who’s even-tempered in your relationship~ or can you count on your lover to be level-headed and even-tempered too? If one of you gets mad and reactive, how long does it take either of you to rebalance, and re-approach a stressful situation from a cooler, more rational mental framework?
Perhaps most important to remember while taking your time exploring the long-range potential of a relationship with someone you’re attracted to, is that you get to assess how good a friend they can be to you! You’ll do this for your own sake, because one thing’s for damned sure~ if you’re getting naked with and sleeping beside another, shouldn’t you be able to deeply TRUST that person at least as much as you can depend on and trust your true friends?