Reminiscing, and feeling THANKFUL for insight and wisdom, early in life!
A gal pal and I talked last night, and agreed that women tend to be completely clueless about what it takes to be a good mother and raise an emotionally healthy child. Childbearing fantasies however, always seem to trump reality.
A woman's baby fantasy, is "I'll finally have someone to love me unconditionally." The reality is, you can ONLY count on this kind of devotion from a DOG, and they're far more forgiving when you're self-absorbed, trying to focus on your work or household tasks AND your neglect, when ya need a little vacation away from the daily grind of family life.
Just as we can never fathom what's ahead in our future (either positive OR negative) although we sometimes like to believe we have a crystal ball, we cannot possibly be prepared emotionally or physically, for a child with birth defects, learning disabilities, or a toddler in their Terrible Two's, to where ALL your tolerance and patience is called upon, to NOT flush 'em down the toilet!
Children are a blessing~ and some adults are better equipped to be parents than others, but they're a LOT of work, and you can kiss your autonomy and independence goodbye, once you bring that new life into your world. As an aside, women with BPD traits more often than not, suffer from postpartum depression~ and the shame and guilt they experience while not able to emotionally BOND with their newborn, is a hideous thing to live with.
Add to this, if neither you or your partner earns a magnificent living, the financial strains on your 'happy little household' become monumentally distressing. Babies and children cannot help but be high-priority expenditures, even though you've been obsessing about that great handbag or pair of earrings you're wanting.
My gal pal KNEW when she was younger that she'd screw up a child of her own, because of the screwed up childhood SHE had. I concur. We were both wise enough in our younger years, to acknowledge our sizable limitations! Neither of us have any regrets about the choices we’ve made, this time through. We’ve each had plenty of time to grow and heal along our life path, which has worked out splendidly.
In truth, it's been an arduous, full-time job, just taking care of ME. I can't even fathom what it would have been like to have a passenger onboard, and have to be responsible both emotionally and financially for THEM! I’m remembering sleeping in the back seat of my car when I was abruptly ousted from my sister’s home, in the midst of a custody battle with her ex-husband. Have a baby? ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
By the grace of God, I knew full well as a young woman, I'd fail miserably at the job of mothering. Having had the good fortune to observe my older sister try it, confirmed my suspicions~ plus, I was self-absorbed, undercooked and had some real issues to iron out. Hell, I'm not sure I was even a good CAT mommy, earlier in life!
My friend's around my age (70's) and she's gotten better at loving and caring for an animal, with each new dog she adopts. She takes inventory of what she might have done differently or better with the last one she lost, and is keeping her present dog alive and well now, through learning what NOT to do again.
Wouldn't it be grand, if humans had an opportunity to 'practice' parenting skills first, before they decide to create a new life? I recommend applying to be a Big Sister or Brother, and give some of your time to mentoring a child who desperately needs it, because his or her mom didn’t bother to self-assess or think it thru before she conceived!
Again, adopting cat or dog FIRST, before you decide to try your hand at parenting, is ALWAYS the right and rational way to go~ IF you want YOUR kid to turn out much happier than your parent's kid did.