Repeat after Me: I don't NEED a "good reason," to feel bad.
Two-thirds of the world’s population engages in countless hours of mental masturbation, whenever it begins to feel inner pain. This became a habitualized behavior pattern as soon as we acquired vocabulary, around the age of two.
Every human has the right to feel bad or down at times, and there doesn’t have to be a reason for it~ in fact, there seldom is! Emotional pain occurs in the body, not in the head. Our mind experiences fatigue during unrelenting attempts to make sense of our pain, but it does not actually feel pain, unless we have a headache.
Sometimes our inner pain is situational, due to having experienced loss of a loved one. Most other times, it’s due to subtle or acute emotional trauma our body cells have retained a memory of, and have held onto for a lifetime.
Crying “for no reason at all” helps purge this pain out of your body’s cellular structure. So does raging, incidentally. Have you ever heard someone say, “I had a good cry the other night”? It’s because we always feel lighter and better, after a sobbing episode!
Psychotherapists have engaged in what I’ve coined, Analysis Paralysis their entire lives. This practice is literally what propelled them into the profession. Mentally searching for meaning and reasons for one’s emotional discomfort grooms children for entering helping/healing vocations, as they grow to adulthood.
Wouldn’t it be marvelous, if discovering intriguing insights gained thru many years of mentally “processing” one’s difficult emotions with a therapist, got people well? Of course it would, because it would mean that ‘psychotherapy’ actually works, “if ya just keep going, long enough!”
The sad truth is however, that gaining “insight” has never actually healed or resolved anyone’s depression, personality disorder features, anxiety or panic attacks, and addictions or compulsions. These are core trauma issues, and they tend to stay embedded in us for a lifetime, unless specialized help is engaged to dismantle them.
Dozens of licensed, clinical psychologists have sought my assistance. They’d typically spent close to a dozen years in treatment with several in their own community. Oddly enough, regardless of the many insights that were gained, they hadn’t been able to surmount obstacles like poor self-worth, dissociation from feelings, depression or anxiety issues. In addition, not one of these clients had ever forged a loving, enduring relationship bond with another.
Teaching clinicians how to STOP analyzing their feelings, was always a challenge. This cerebral preoccupation came as natural as breathing to them! Mentally analyzing emotions temporarily distracts from discomfort or pain humans feel inside their body. It’s a coping strategy young kids learn in order to survive inner anguish, and many are kept alive by it. Childhood suicide statistics are much higher than recorded, because they’re often classified as “accidents.”
Analysis Paralysis is always at the baseline of Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder, Anxiety Disorder, Personality Disorders, and a litany of serious physical health issues. People who always “over-think” are not capable of connecting with their body, or being present. These folks are often accident prone, because their head is hundreds of miles from whatever task their physical form is attempting to negotiate.
There are ways around this problem, but it’s crucial to realize that it’s always masking depression. Many grew up believing they were “bad” for feeling difficult or dark emotions, because their parents either didn’t notice their pain, or offered no comfort or sympathy when their child looked sad, empty, depressed, hurt or angry.
From this, a child grows up assuming that painful emotions are unacceptable, and they are “bad” for feeling them! When I’ve worked with a client who can’t or won’t cry or let themselves feel and express their anger, I know I’ll be ineffectual at helping them become emotionally whole and healthy, and we part.
Emotional dissociation is responsible for all social ills, worldwide. If you can’t or won’t compassionately connect with your own pain, you sure as hell can’t identify with nor relate to another’s! In short, you are incapable of experiencing empathy.
Stop judging your difficult feelings. Learn (perhaps with help from my videos) how to self-soothe and tolerate emotions in your body, while staying the fuck outta your head about ‘em! In this way, you’ll grow your emotional repertoire, you will heal childhood trauma, and you’ll effectively shrink all those dark, scary emotions you’ve previously run from and dreaded.
Analyzing your feelings is a never-ending emotional roller-coaster ride. Learning to feel (with the right help) all of ‘em, from subtle to acute in your body, is the ONLY way to develop emotionally~ so if you have personality disorder traits, find a professional who can help you get on with this part of your healing journey, as soon as you can.