Self-sabotage is FAR more common than we think. Most never even realize how they routinely shoot themselves in the foot.
Lots of people (including Borderlines) INSIST they have a friendly, solid relationship with themselves.
IF this were true, they'd be in a VERY different position in their life today. Proof's in the pudding, folks.
Ya can't even grow a thriving business, if in ANY way, you engage in self-defeating behaviors (which are mostly unconscious but DEADLY, in context of becoming personally successful).
"Why can't I get ahead? Why do I continue to battle depression? Why don't my relationships ever work out well?" are merely a few plaintive cries from people who routinely undermine themselves in subtle, but treacherous ways~ without even being aware of it!
I made an appt. with a tree trimmer guy yesterday, who'd left a flier on my door recently. He was supposed to arrive and give me an estimate at around 9:30 am today. It was after 10:00 when I called him, got no answer, and left a VM. HE WAS ALREADY SHOWING ME WHO HE IS~ an unreliable dude.
He called back within several minutes, saying he got hung up on a job in a neighboring city~ but had initially told me he'd be in MY area today, so the guy's also a liar! This fellow asked if I'd be open to seeing him tomorrow.
I said no dear, I will NOT see you on Sunday~ and hung up on his stupid, irresponsible, self-sabotaging ass! Remember what I've always told ya? IF YOU'RE PAYING ATTENTION, people SHOW you who they are pretty fucking early in the game.
This guy had paid to have fliers made and distributed, yet his lack of common courtesy lost him a potential customer. He could easily have called to say he was running late, and I’d have cut him some slack (happens to the best of us), but he didn’t. He could easily have given me an arrival time window when we spoke the day before, but he did not. It doesn’t take MY business management skills to know full well, he undermines himself in dozens of little ways~ and never realizes it. Bottom line, he will never be successful.
It might be in your wheelhouse to accept bad behavior from others, and cut em slack. It’s not in MY wheelhouse, because I have HEALTHY self-esteem, and am agenda-free. When a door doesn’t open, I know beyond a shadow of a doubt, there are many others to choose from.
Only when you have an AGENDA, will you sweep the shit others say and do under the rug, make allowances and excuses for em, and waste even MORE of your precious time, heart and LIFE on someone who didn't deserve ya in the first place!
Trust me, there are plenty of fish in the sea. It's merely your sense of desperation to fulfill your agenda (whether practical, realistic or good for you or not), that blocks ya from finding someone who’s a far better fit ~ whether you need ‘em to trim your trees, fix your plumbing, or make a baby with you!