Still crazy after all these years...

The Devil's in the Details.

Frame of reference. Sounds like a small thing, doesn’t it?

But is it really? Our frame of reference is based solely on our individual life experiences. It’s what’s familiar and known to us, because we’ve been there, done that. Few people can even imagine anything that’s beyond their frame of reference~ a nourishing, satisfying love life, for instance... or monetary success beyond their wildest dreams.

Frame of reference is critical, because it exists as our only sense of reality. Imagine something much different, and it might feel awkward, uncomfortable, unrealistic and even, intimidating or frightening. Fantastical, you might say.

The nature of humans is to wanna stay with what feels familiar. Anything unfamiliar feels uncomfortable, so we tend to avoid it. Even breaking away from a job we hate or a lover who isn’t a solid fit for us, is scary. For many, being alone with themselves is a far more frightening aspect to contemplate, than remaining in an undersatisfying relationship. I always think this is sad~ but then again, how many of us have learned how to build a nourishing, friendly, radically supportive relationship bond with ourselves?

If ya can’t stand being alone with You, you’ll settle for far less than ya really want and need. There are people who take this aspect of personal growth to the extreme, however. Maybe they’ve reached some self-acceptance and the contentment that comes with it~ and they think to themselves, “this is the best it can get!” I’ve met a few of these folks online, and even treated several.

But here’s the deal~ if you’re staying on that isolated island because it’s the only way to ensure you’ll keep feeling secure or safe, are you actually happy and free? Does your daily life feel joyful? Does your resting face have a smile on it?

I’ve been self-contained for many years. I enjoy my own company, I celebrate my talents and strengths, and have lived happily and contentedly for decades. But I’ve found that living in hotel rooms in the aftermath of losing my home to fire, I’ve emotionally rebalanced and thrived due to caring outreaches by friends, clients (present and former), and receiving empathic hugs from strangers. All this has taught me, I’m a more social animal than I’d previously ever believed. Go figure!

I began my out-of-state house search, looking primarily for isolation. Afterall, it’s what I’ve known and loved for a long time! Oh, of course I had neighbors on my block that burned to the ground, and enjoyed occasional engagement with ‘em, but didn’t leave my house much. There was no need to. I was perfectly content. So yeah, find a great home in a wooded area with no neighbors around for blocks would be perfect, I thought.

Then it occurred to me how much I’ve loved getting hugs and kisses from the sweet housekeeping gals I’ve befriended as I groggily navigate in my robe and slippers down to the lobby coffee machines, and enjoy the warm greetings by our desk staff. My precious Little Paradise never yielded that welcome morning warmth, as I heated my water for coffee and fed my darling two felines (Samba and Tango) their breakfast.

There’ve been great days and bad ones. Losing your home to a catastrophic event is one thing~ but all the practical shit ya have to deal with in the aftermath, is far worse. Can YOU remember all the services you’ve had on auto-pay for a dozen years, when all your records and bills have gone up in smoke? Me neither.

Some days, you’re dealing with utter exhaustion. You feel spent in every cell of your body… and then you hear from a caring soul who undoubtedly means well, but won’t let ya finish your sentences. You’re continually spoken over and interrupted, because who can possibly relate to what you’ve been thru the past couple months?!

Sadly, this phone exchange you were hoping might bring a bit of levity and/or energy to your emotionally, spiritually and physically drained soul and lift you a bit, only exacerbates your fatigue~ and you’ve gotta end that call, ‘cause you’re about to bleed-out if ya don’t.

There are people who’ll suck the life outta you, even when they’re just passionately invested in ‘fixing’ your problems, regardless of whether their solutions are a suitable fit for your predicament, or not. The clinical term for this behavior, is Narcissism.

Genuine empathy is a fine, yet extremely rare quality among humans. Most of us think we’re capable of bestowing it, but empathy (or the lack of it) is wholly contingent on (are ya ready for it?) our personal frame of reference.

Sympathy is our ability to feel sorry for another less fortunate than we. Empathy on the other hand, is our capacity to identify with and relate to another’s feelings, needs, perspectives and inner experiences. It’s our ability to hear and sense another’s pain or tiredness, and be responsive to it. It’s definitely a “been there, done that” kind of experience~ and if ya can’t find a way to relate, try to keep your mouth shut and just listen.

Bottom line, maybe we should all try a little harder to monitor ourselves and our behaviors with others, so that when we encounter someone who’s feeling a bit fragile, we can be part of their solution, instead of part of the problem.