The 7th Sense
Borderline ex’s have a remarkable capacity to sense when you’re starting to feel okay about yourself after a breakup, or when you’re getting interested in someone new. It’s truly uncanny, how they can KNOW when they’re not on the forefront of your mind!
The most effective strategy you can employ with a BPD ex, is to go completely dark. This means NO CONTACT whatsoever, no matter what they send you by way of texts, emails, voicemails, social media outreaches, etc. In short, NO response is always the BEST response, if you’re wanting to speed your healing process, and move beyond this trauma.
Contrary to popular belief, Borderlines are NOT afraid of abandonment. If they were, they wouldn’t constantly test their lovers by picking fights with them, and distancing or pushing away~ especially after lovely, close, intimate episodes.
What Borderlines actually fear, is attachment! Attachment represents loss of Self to one with BPD features, and given their sense of self is so fragile in the first place, a loss like this represents total annihilation. In short, they fear ceasing to exist to themselves and others.
When you resist hitting the ball back across the net to someone who’s treated you abominably, you stand out among all others who’ve agreed to keep a bond of “friendship” open with a Borderline, as a breakup option. Friendship is never possible with someone borderline disordered, because they have no capacity for empathy OR reciprocation of any care or attention you provide to them.
An ex lover who’s willing to convert to being a Borderline’s “friend,” is a fool who keeps hoping to regain favor with his or her ex, and get back in that box! This of course feels affirming to someone with BPD, but it’s never more than a one-way agreement. The former lover becomes their Borderline ex’s indentured servant~ always at the ready, in case he or she NEEDS something from them. This was never a reciprocal arrangement, and it can’t be one, just because there’s no sex between you.
Nearly all a Borderline’s exes have signed on for this “friendship” job. When an emotionally underdeveloped individual encounters a challenge or crisis, she or he has a string of ex lovers they can rely on to bail them out of the sticky wicket in which they’ve trapped themselves. In essence, you’ll be used by a Borderline, both when you’re with them, and afterward, if you’re masochistic enough to hang onto the relationship.
Far too many people are afraid to be alone with themselves, because their repetitious inner tape is routinely hyper-critical and shaming. These are often the people who remain in toxic relationships, until they become very sick and die. Death is the most common default outcome for someone afraid to exit a tormenting dyad, and who refuses to make a practical and conscious choice to leave it behind.
The sad reality is, far too many people would rather DIE trying to make it work with someone who doesn’t love them, than to face living daily with no distractions from their tormenting, abusive, toxic self.