The challenge of healing BPD, due to the Borderline's addiction to pain
One of the most acute differences between a Borderline and someone emotionally whole and healthy, is people with BPD traits continually self-sabotage, due to crisis and chaos addiction.
Intense pain and/or anxiety trigger feelings of aliveness for the borderline personality. These in fact, are the only sensations that can penetrate their non-feeling shell after a lifetime of dissociation from a litany of emotions.
If Life isn't throwing the Borderline setbacks and crises, they manufacture 'em for themselves, which frequently takes the form of staying in contact with a toxic ex or routinely resuming their relationship with one, hoping "THIS time will be different."
People with BPD traits are addicted to pain, often presenting in the form of anxiety. Pain and anxiety force our adrenal glands to flood our bloodstream and prompt 'fight or flight' reactions in us. Our instincts (if they're working properly) sense when danger threatens us, and the adrenaline surges that accompany them are responsible for us saving ourselves from HARM.
Borderlines accommodate danger signals in the body and proceed with risky behaviors, because they literally get a 'rush of aliveness' when a threat to their well-being presents itself. Does it sound like someone with BPD traits is drawn to dangerous liaisons due to their crisis and chaos addiction? You're right. They are.
Within responsible, growth-oriented treatment that can help the Borderline OUTGROW their personality disorder traits, they feel acutely uncomfortable as they begin to heal. They've run from inner feelings of flatness, boredom, emptiness and deadness their entire lives, and in the ABSENCE of pain or anxiety, they must learn to sit in their body and tolerate these sensations, or no progress can be made in terms of their emotional development.
As the Borderline begins to experience life DEVOID of pain, their compulsion to return to what feels FAMILIAR is experienced, which catalyzes self-defeating behaviors. Addictions they've relied on for many years, might take the form of drug, alcohol or food abuse, gambling, porn and/or sex, excessive gym workouts or biking and running, etc. Anything to 'change the channel' on the nothingness they're feeling, in the absence of PAIN.
This alone, is the segment of treatment that makes it difficult to help a Borderline get well, because the minute they begin feeling calm, centered and relaxed, they get anxious, and want to act-out and destroy their gains.