The incalculable benefits of SHOCK TREATMENT
Sometimes, ya just gotta drop a truth bomb, and have it go BAM!
My very wise dad once said, “sometimes ya gotta hit someone between the eyes with a 2 x 4, just to get their attention.” I’ve surely had to use that 2 x 4 in my practice, with guidance-resistant, hard-headed clients who wanna keep injuring themselves!
Life for them was consistently painful and hard growing up, and they became accustomed to struggling. Doing something the easy way, doesn’t feel natural to these folks~ it’s literally outside their wheelhouse to expect life to flow smoothly. When something good comes along, whether personally or professionally, they can’t appreciate or feel worthy of it, if it didn’t take a lot of effort to attain.
Humans it seems, can adapt to literally anything~ regardless of the anguish it causes ‘em… just ask anyone who’s lived long-term with a Borderline Personality Disordered partner. Walking on eggshells so as not to set off another in a series of emotional landmines, is NOT a viable solution. In truth, nobody can have a functional relationship with a dysfunctional person, yet millions of underdeveloped individuals keep trying.
I’m extremely solution-focused. If you’re a client, I will never stand by and watch you continue to self-immolate. If occasional ‘shock treatment’ doesn’t turn you around, you’ll simply be dropped from my roster.
A gal pal during our recent verbal exchange suddenly switched topic, and confessed she “lost it.” She then proceeded to describe how she screamed at a ‘friend’ of hers, who compulsively complains, blaming all her troubles on anyone and everyone else. This female lives only in the past, and routinely abuses my gal pal who tries to lend a sympathetic and supportive ear. Yes, folks~ her friend’s behavior is nothing short of abusive.
To continuously drop our shit on another who’s patient enough to listen and try to help, is symptomatic of having no impulse control, no boundaries and no empathy. We call these people Borderlines.
My gal pal is somewhat healthier today, but routinely used to complain about this or that person who mistreated her. I knew I probably wasn’t gonna change her proclivity for hanging onto friends who abused her, so I made myself less available for her diatribes.
Nobody can use you as a dumpster, unless you allow it. I adore my gal pal. She’s a terrific listener and a solid, trusted friend, but she has self-esteem issues. She believes she should be “compassionate and caring” to all others, no matter what the cost to herself.
I was proud of her when she related what she’d yelled at her friend. She wasn’t cruel in her delivery, she merely held up a mirror, which caused her friend to hang up on her. Borderlines are attention whores. As long as you make yourself available to their abuse (in whatever form it takes) they will USE you until your well runs bone-dry, or you reach critical mass with the horseshit they constantly foist on you!
When you’re doing all the giving in a relationship, but not enough is coming back (aside from the ego gratification you get while trying to convince yourself you’re a “Good Person”) you might check-in with yourself to assess, “what’s in this for Me, and what do I gain from subjecting myself to this predictable, never-ending verbal diarrhea?”
Maybe you’ll finally see it’s not worth all the time and energy you give to that dysfunctional person you’ve let occupy so much real estate in your head. Then perhaps, you won’t feel as much need to bitch to your other friends about it.
When ya lie with dogs, ya get fleas~ and what ya detest in someone else, is usually what you’ve failed to recognize in yourself. BAM!
" . . . I knew I probably wasn’t gonna change her proclivity for hanging onto friends who abused her, so I made myself less available for her diatribes. . . ." good bit of wisdom there, Shari . . . sometimes you can talk with someone until you're both blue in the face and they still won't accept what you're saying . . . and even following a bout of tough love things still don't change so you sigh and accept them, self-defeating behavior and all.