The Sexual Crucible: Is it True Love or merely a biological imperative?
In his book, Passionate Marriage, Dr. David Schnarch speaks to how to keep passion alive in a long-term relationship. It's worth the read, because haven't we ALL wondered about this at one time or another?
In a capsule, Schnarch stresses that honest, courageous communication between two people within various aspects of their life (emotionally, spiritually and cerebrally), is the core of keeping passionate, sexual interplay alive and vibrant within an ongoing relationship.
No human can engage in SEX all the time. It's physically impossible. So, what is it that keeps two people engaged, and motivated to stay with each other, outside of the bedroom?
Sexual interplay is actually a very small part of genuine intimacy
between partners. When we connect cerebrally, emotionally and spiritually with our beloved, we ARE making love! Sexual contact is merely an extension of our sense of closeness and connection within these other realms of our life as a couple!
People think they've lost the 'spark' with their mate, because sex with him or her has become predictable, boring or infrequent~ but this can only happen, when the entire relationship bond is based solely on intense and urgent biological need. (Seems kinda silly, doesn't it??)
Sexual pleasure is what brings people together~ but it's not what KEEPS them connected over the long-haul. To presume it does or even CAN, is pure folly! A "relationship" is two people RELATING to each other. This MUST happen in loving, nourishing, playfully enjoyable ways OUTSIDE of the bedroom, or it's just one more romance in your life, that will soon bite the dust.
Wanna know the truth about "couples therapy?" People bypass all the cumulative little speed-bumps, emotional betrayals, setbacks and unresolved disagreements between 'em, until their intimacy chasm grows so broad, it negatively impacts their sexual interplay!
When connection problems you've endured and brushed aside over the course of months, years or even decades build up, "couples therapy" seems like the remedy. By then however, it's typically far too late to resurrect the relationship, due to having long-settled for a weak and undernourished relationship bond in the first place!
Nobody THINKS about couple's issues this way, but problems in the bedroom, are what actually prompts most humans to seek professional help to get their relationship "back on track!" The reality of this, has always struck me as absurd.
Sexual interplay in your relationship with another, is only the TIP of the iceberg, in context of maintaining an intimate connection. Sex is merely the OUTGROWTH of a healthy and vibrant bond two people share~ it's NOT intended to be the Main Event.
When you think back to all the romances you had, and how quickly they failed whether the sex was "great" or not, try to remember how little you were able to come together and make love in other ways OUTSIDE of bed, and you can start to understand WHY those relationships could not endure.
Think of sexual attraction and passion as just the "appetizer" you might order at your favorite restaurant. It's never the main course, and if you treat it like it is, you'll very likely be going through the rest of your existence being content eating only appetizers, and never having your deep craving for authentic and REAL love, satisfied.