The True Nature of Females~ Fact or Fiction?
As hard as it may be to believe, far too many men presume “all women are crazy.” They simply accept that if they’re going to get a modicum of their needs met for sex, excitement, companionship and tenderness from a female, these will come at a substantial emotional cost to them.
Drama, chaos and stress is anticipated by men all over the world, who enter into a new romance. It’s not that they don’t hope for the best, or have fantasies of sailing off into the sunset with a perfectly loving woman, but there’s always a huge disparity between fantasy and reality. Episodes of great emotional strife and duress are taken for granted by these men when they’re with a woman for any length of time. This inevitable outcome is understood, and expected.
How is it, that this typical view of womanhood is a given, in the psyches of millions of males all over the world?! What has spawned or promoted such a preposterous notion?? Pay attention. What follows, is crucial to maintaining your well-being:
When a child is raised by a mother who seems psychologically erratic, volatile or even, emotionally withholding, he can’t help but form ideations about all women, based on observances of her ongoing, repetitive behaviors. His mother represents the only frame of reference he has access to, in terms of what women are like. She becomes his template or blueprint if you will, for what he comes to recognize as typical and “normal.”
I’ve said for decades now, that at least 80% of humans possess Borderline Personality Disorder traits. It’s quite challenging then, to find someone emotionally whole, balanced and self-actualized. Fully-cooked (or emotionally well-developed) individuals are very rare on our planet, and if you’re lucky enough to eventually find one, it’s because YOU are emotionally grounded, extremely discerning and whole. In short, you possess the inner resources you need to recognize and appreciate these folks when you encounter them.
The question that begs to be asked here, is what has given you this advantage? The answer is, you’re either born to a sane, rational, emotionally well-adjusted female, or you’ve done exceptionally courageous inner work with a highly skilled, growth-oriented professional, to help you acquire these vital resources and heal the core wounds inflicted by Mother, that have left you attachment-impaired.
I’ve stated to thousands of male clients: It’s not that (all) “women are crazy,” it’s that Borderlines are. Men tend to overlook, ignore, accept or make excuses and allowances for aberrant behaviors in women, because they grew up observing a mother who had BPD traits! Sadly, their emotionally confusing experiences with Mom during childhood, became their gold-standard for what “normal” was supposed to look and feel like.
Both men and women have been forced to muddle through emotionally wrenching couplings with people who are personality disordered, and the toll it takes on their lives is incalculable. The frustrations they encounter, the pain they suffer, the chaos and drama they must endure in a relationship with someone who has no capacity for empathy, is heartbreaking. It can make one acutely distrust the opposite sex, and never want to get involved with someone again. The trauma that’s experienced in the aftermath of having loved a borderline disordered individual, is nothing short of devastating.
So, contrary to entrenched beliefs among males who’ve been raised by women who weren’t capable of loving them correctly or well enough, not ALL women are crazy! Borderlines beget Borderlines. Females who were raised by BPD mothers, live on the edge or ‘border-line’ of psychosis!
If you’re paying real close attention at the start of your dance together and you’ve developed decent self-preservation instincts, you might listen to your gut senses and get outta there, before any serious harm is done to your heart muscle! If not, her love-bombing, seductive, lying, controlling, manipulative behaviors will seem like a ‘perfect match’ for you, because who we grew up loving, whether they returned our adoration or not, is who we bond with and marry in adulthood.
This is the unconscious Attraction Strategy we’re all saddled with since birth. Without the right kind of professional help, we’re doomed to keep replicating painful relational outcomes for ourselves.
A lot of desperate for female attention males enlist “coaching” on how to seduce gals. Yes, you can learn how to maintain the upper hand with females, while remaining dissociated from your own emotional needs~ but here’s what’s important to remember:
Even when you think you’re in control, in the final analysis, you aren’t. Why? because men gain access to their emotions thru satisfying sex with a woman. It’s part of their bonding ritual~ Sex First, Feelings Later. For women, it’s the opposite. A (healthy, emotionally sound) woman opens herself to sex with a man, once she can feel a reasonably safe emotional connection with him.
Perhaps we’ve all heard the saying, “if ya play with fire, you’re gonna get burned.” Thinking you’ll keep the upper hand with a Borderline is pure folly, no matter how psychologically savvy you think you are! Hundreds of psychotherapeutic professionals have engaged my services to recover and rebalance from an affair with a BPD lover, having believed they were “too educated and smart to be taken advantage of or seduced by one.”
Famous last words.