They say, "no good deed goes unpunished." If you keep attaching to Borderlines, you've learned how true this is.
The dark and dangerous side of People-Pleasers, is they're constantly trying to compensate for poor self-worth. When they hook up with a BPD lover, it's a splendid opportunity to practice the over-giving habits they learned as a child, with a (BPD) mother who could not be pleased.
Over-givers always presume they aren't getting enough love and attention, because they're not lovable or good enough. Their lack of self-worth stems from childhood neglect and emotional abuse, which was repetitive and consistent.
People Pleasers do not believe they're worthy or deserving of affection and positive attention. They feel "bored" with lovers who can respond to them and reciprocate their needs.
Within their political orientation, super-givers are FAR more comfortable with and acclimated to a government that is withholding, hyper-controlling, oppressive and abusive. Their tacit acceptance of these conditions echoes what the People Pleaser grew up with, so they're seen as "normal, and to be expected."
People Pleasers, super-givers and their more clinical term, 'Codependents' (who need to be needed by others, to bolster an inherently fragile sense of Self) don't trust happiness, prosperity or abundance. They distrust anyone who can genuinely love or admire them, and unwittingly sabotage all potentially nourishing attachments.
Codependency is the flip side of Borderline Personality Disorder. Both types of core-wounded people suffer from developmental arrest. One cannot acquire moral development, if emotional development is lacking. The two go hand in hand. We are not BORN with integrity or character. Both are byproducts of emotional growth.
The primary reason Narcissists and Borderlines are universally attracted to one another is, the former over-gives, and the latter gladly takes what is given, but cannot reciprocate. Therefore, a unique balance exists in their dynamic. For every super-giver, there must be someone who ALLOWS them to keep doing it.
I've dated a couple of super-givers over the course of my romantic career, and I ran from them after one or two dates. I was smart enough to know that someone who feels unworthy of being given to, will eventually act-out their OWN inability to receive in passive-aggressive ways, and I wanted no part of that (no emotionally HEALTHY individual does)!
Emotionally reciprocal relationships make super-givers feel uneasy and awkward, due to the fact they could never receive nourishing supplies of tenderness, affection or care as children~ and they feel a deep sense of discomfiture and obligation, when another gives to them. Many can't even accept a compliment!
Both the Borderline and Narcissistic People Pleaser will turn away from and resist meaningful, useful healing work, because they're accustomed to suffering, and trying to 'fix' their own emotional setbacks. The very thought of learning to RELY on another is too frightening to ponder, because they see it as shameful, and presume it will lapse into permanent dependency (which could not be farther from the truth)!
Most Codependent AND Borderline disordered folks, resist the kind of assistance that can help them literally OUTGROW their personality disorder traits, because the ONLY effective modality of treatment for each type, is emotional development work. This work is antithetical to "psychotherapy," because it's not an 'insight' or cerebrally-based intervention.
For individuals who've dissociated from a litany of important and vital feelings since infancy, a paradigm shift of this type feels too threatening and foreign for them to even contemplate, much less, explore. And this my friends, is why people with BPD and narcissistic traits can never get well, regardless of HOW much 'therapy' they get, or how long they get it.
Resistance to effective emotional growth work (which literally mends one's Heart and Soul) results in ongoing Obsessive-Compulsive traits, Anxiety and Panic Disorder symptoms, inability to forge and maintain nourishing attachment bonds, self-destructive behaviors in both professional and personal realms, inability to surmount addictive/compulsive impulses, and a low to middle-grade sense of emptiness and depression that are sustained in one's core, lifelong.
I've always said to my clients: I can take ya wherever you wanna go and help you get whole and WELL. The one thing I cannot do, is make ya WANT it.