Two topics for the price of one~ or, a bird in the 'bush' is worth two in the hand!
Hundreds of people have called me wanting confirmation their ex is "really a Borderline." They recognize many of their former lover's traits in my online materials, yet they still seek assurances from me that they were in fact, with someone who's BPD.
I always ask 'em first off, what they think the confirmation they're seeking from me will GIVE them. Most are looking for a way to accept that THEY are not at fault for this painful outcome. IF they can finally accept their significant other is/was seriously flawed (or personality disordered), they might let themselves climb down off the cross they've nailed themselves to, so to speak.
I wish I could say this "confirmation" (IF they can find it from a reliable, trusted source) works to stop their endless mental obsession with trying too discern how they 'might' have behaved differently or better, to have averted the terrible pain they're in.
It's critical to realize that people who are vulnerable to being love-bombed and susceptible to seduction by a Borderline, have little or no genuine self-worth. They carry primal wounds from infancy and early childhood that left them feeling unlovable or not good enough to receive consistent adoration from anyone, based on bonding difficulties with Mother, since their birth.
Most humans go through an awkward, uncomfortable phase during pre-adolescence, but someone with core trauma (which describes millions of people who are personality disordered) is overcome with self-loathing, and is unable to outgrow it once he/she enters adulthood, when their sense of identity SHOULD start growing more stable and established.
Any government that allows CHILDREN to make life-altering decisions with regard to transforming their bodies to reflect a different gender when they're not old enough to legally drink or vote in state or national elections, is acutely shortsighted~ and in my view, insane!
Precious few teens have any sense of their identity or who they are, and as soon as they think they've figured it out, their mind and attitudes about themselves change, because it's the very nature of development. Far too many people in mid-life (or older) don't even know who the fuck they are!
NOBODY 'knows' themselves in childhood or adolescence, and they're not supposed to! This is a time of rapid change and self-discovery, and it's been going on since the beginning of time.
We cannot contemplate with a clear conscience, the repercussions of permitting hormone tampering and surgical reassignment surgery to any human who is not yet fully-formed emotionally, psychologically OR physically, and hasn't yet reached the legal age of consent.
Even a hospital's surgical procedures require parental consent if your kid needs an operation~ what in God's name stands in the way of rational, logical thinking and medical protocols, when it comes to dabbling with a young child's gender on a WHIM?!
Self-loathing is CENTRAL among people who get caught up in a whirlwind romance with a borderline disordered partner. Poor self-worth endlessly seeks respite from itself, whether it occurs in someone who engages endless plastic surgery procedures, or is constantly looking for validation from a desirable other to change their poor opinion of themselves.
If you hate your looks, you hate your Self. If you hate yourself, you hate everything about you, INCLUDING your looks.
No external fixes are gonna repair this for you. Yes, you can alter your gender, you can get too fat or too thin, you can get a nose or boob job, tattoos, body piercings, etc., but it's not gonna change how you feel about yourself on the INSIDE, once the novelty of that physical alteration wears off.
Self-loathing is an emotional issue~ it is not, nor has it ever been, a physiological one.