Whacky Neighbors and Social Faux Pas

Ya can't believe everything you see!

I went out for a spirited walk in my neighborhood today, starting with an uphill climb. I went extra far to earn my pat on the back for gettin’ off my writing couch, and it felt pretty good.

Not much to my surprise, I saw Harris/Walz signs on people’s lawns, and couldn’t repress muttering verbal disdain under-my-breath as I passed hurriedly by, so no toxic sludge had proximal opportunity to invade my pores: “Idiots are born every day.”

But wait… there’s more! As I turned onto flatter land on my way back home, I passed a couple in their front yard. The husband was struggling to fit a small table into the back hatch of his vehicle, while the wife stood by and watched. When they saw me, they hailed a greeting… she said, “Oh, you’re so vibrant~ I love your dress… followed by, you’re beautiful!”

I warmly smiled and replied, thank you very much~ and asked “when are you due?” She looked to be an obvious 6 - 7 months pregnant in her skintight tank top and bermuda shorts. Even though this couple appeared to be middle aged, I thought perhaps they were awaiting a long, yearned-for infant (silly me).

The wife said, “you think I’m PREGNANT?? I’M NOT PREGNANT~ I HAVE A METAL BELLY!” (or at least, that’s what it sounded like to me).

I was instantly apologetic, and somewhat shocked by her reaction. I proceeded to say, I’m so sorry~ it was never my intent was to offend, and I hope you can forgive my ghastly faux pas! Truly, I am deeply sorry!!!

Wifey stormed off into her house and slammed the front door. I again offered a mea culpa to the (I’m now guessing) husband, ‘cause at THIS point, I’m doubting my visual perceptions! His slightly knitted brow, but still smiling mouth conveyed that his partner’s reaction was not an isolated nor unique incident. He assured me, “it’s really okay.”

This man could clearly see the horror on my face, for having made this error. My intuition tells me he knew exactly how I felt in that moment. As I continued past their home, I thought to myself, I wish I’d have offered to help him get that damned table into his car!

Higher wisdom thankfully intervened, and I figured that could make matters a lot worse, if he was married to a Borderline. I have a strong sense he is (whadda surprise, in a democratic-dominated hood).

So, this was just another day in Paradise, my friends. And in today’s nutty, gender- confused planet, not only is it hard to tell the boys from the girls, it’s apparently impossible to trust your own eyes, when ya see someone who appears very much to be expecting a little bundle of JOY!