What's REALLY holding you back from loving and being loved?
Are you already in a relationship bond you can't seem to break?
Addiction MEANS that’s your primary relationship bond with a substance or behavior. How do ya make room for an addictive compulsion, when you're involved in an important, significant relationship with another? Have you ever thought about this for yourself?
Do you have to hide your addictive impulses, out of a sense of shame? Do you anticipate that whomever's gonna love you, will be willing to welcome, make allowances for this alternate relationship or approve of it?
I was a compulsive eater for many years, well into my 40's. I gained an intimate understanding of addiction, and what's needed to heal and resolve it. My central motivation for wanting to overcome this issue, was not wanting to drag it into a meaningful, nourishing relationship bond that might present itself in my future. I was successful in this aim, and never had to grapple with ‘weight’ concerns ever again.
I briefly dated a guy in my early 50's who struggled with the same issue I’d had. One night we returned to my home after dining out, and I saw him in my kitchen sneaking spoon-fulls of peanut butter out of the jar that usually sat in my fridge. The look of shame on his face was something to behold. He was caught in the act! I just let it pass, and said nothing. I knew all too well what drove that indulgence atop a full stomach.
On the bathroom mirror in his condo was taped a very harsh, abusively worded note calling himself disgusting, ugly names for overeating. He obviously HATED himself for this addiction, yet had never sought help to dismantle it. He merely thought that if he shamed and punished himself hard enough, he'd surrender his compulsion to EAT as a self-soothing tool.
Addiction has plagued millions of people for ages, yet it's a relatively simple matter to overcome. We are NOT "genetically" predisposed to addiction. We are generationally programmed to bypass or sidestep a litany of emotions we've grown up judging as "wrong or bad," because our parental units treated them as such when we were toddlers, and could finally express what we actually felt!
My ex lover was pathologically Codependent. He had no relationship to or sense whatsoever about his own feelings and needs. No "negative" or dark emotions were allowed to exist in his emotional repertoire. When he felt empty, angry, depressed, bored or sad, he ATE~ and then brutally shamed himself for it afterward.
Long after I'd healed my own addictive-compulsive relationship with food, I wrote two articles. One is called, "OUTGROWING YOUR ADDICTION (The Little Book)" and the other is, "ARE YOU UNHAPPY BECAUSE YOU'RE HEAVY, OR HEAVY BECAUSE YOU'RE UNHAPPY?" Psychotherapy cannot resolve these issues, for they are not byproducts of the mind. They are being held captive in your emotional body, and your psyche has nothing whatsoever to do with healing them.
If you wish to gain dramatically unique understanding and insights into either topic, you can read more about each on my website, by clicking on these links:
https://sharischreiber.com/outgrowing-your-addiction/
https://sharischreiber.com/are-you-unhappy-because-youre-heavy-or-heavy-because-youre-unhappy/