When a parent dies, we either feel great sorrow, or welcome relief. Many have said to me, I don't understand WHY I'm crying~ I have no feelings for this mom or dad who's now gone.
In all my years of helping people deal with grief, I have come to understand how intricate it is, because we as humans are emotionally intricate. More often than not, when we've grown up struggling to bond with a parent who's incapable of attaching to us, we finally feel off the hook for TRYING anymore, once they've passed.
In my experience, the confounding tears that might fall, are from our inner little girl or boy mourning what we never got to have with a parent, than the loss of a genuine and nourishing attachment bond weβve shared with them as an adult. In these cases, both child sadness AND adult relief are simultaneously experienced.
Just in case you've ever been in this situation, now ya know.
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