When enough is never Enough~ the frustrating challenge of loving a Borderline
Giving-in to a Borderline's demands is the same as spoiling a toddler rotten, and turning 'em into an insatiable monster. You THINK that if you satisfy their wishes, hopes and dreams, their incessant nagging and haranguing will finally stop~ but you couldn't be more wrong.
A Borderline is like a wastebasket fire. As long as there's a bit more paper to consume, their embers remain hot and inextinguishable. There is no such thing, as satisfying someone with BPD, because as soon as you've supplied what they've asked or begged for, they find something/anything ELSE to use as a conflict-inducing point of contention in your relationship~ and there you sit, thinking "who do I have to fuck to get OFF this never-ending movie?"
The Borderline Personality is all about power and control. They'll nag you to give em things they don't actually WANT, just to keep the tension between you alive. If you're a people-pleaser, fixer, rescuer type (typically drawn to these people), you'll keep wanting to bend over backwards, just to keep them "happy" and experience a few minutes of harmony in your relationship.
Problem is, Borderlines know no limits or boundaries. Enough is NEVER enough. If you keep feeding that all-consuming fire, it keeps raging. Think of it this way: If you gratify a toddler's every desire 24/7, what kind of human will you be raising~ and more importantly, what peace and tranquility can YOU possibly have?
Partners of Borderlines are so terrified of being abandoned if they disappoint their lovers, they'll do literally ANYTHING to keep 'em satisfied~ but people with BPD thrive on conflict, chaos and dissatisfaction, so what you think you're giving, is the very last thing they need from you.
In truth, Borderlines are afraid of happiness and contentment. Many live with Anxiety Disorder and panic attacks, because when life is going smoothly for a bit too long, they immediately begin envisioning what could go wrong, to steal their joy. In short, they're always waiting for the other shoe to drop~ so if no disasters are imminent, they use their imagination to conjure up horrible fates that 'might' befall them.
What this means of course, is that you MUST help the Borderline maintain some level of dissatisfaction, and like a good parent, allow them to experience frustration~ OR, you're simply feeding their narcissism which entertains the belief their whims and wants should immediately be met, and the hell with Yours.
When someone tells me they can't afford to do the work needed to repair their core, I ask 'em to add up what they spent during any 6-month period during the relationship with their BPD-ex. This puts into perspective for them, how overly generous they've been lifelong with others (including their Borderline) and how utterly miserly they've always been with themselves.
When you give-in to the demands of a toddler, you raise a Narcissistic monster who has no regard for anyone else's feelings or inner experiences. The same goes for your relationship with a borderline disordered lover.