When someone's fuck-up makes us wanna FIX it for 'em, because they've convinced us WE are to blame for their troubles, it's BPD!
Whenever you have a financial conflict with a customer or client no matter what type of business you run, you must remember NEVER to inform them of expenses or hardships that You have, when trying to negotiate a reasonable outcome.
First, they don't give a shit about YOUR needs. You're asking someone who's likely incapable of feeling empathy, to consider Your challenges or troubles, which mean NOTHING to them. If you offer this personal information, you'll only come across as weak, and they'll have even less respect and regard for you!
These folks are typically victims of their own making. You're not the only one they've cried the blues to, regarding their "financial constraints." Humans ALWAYS find money for the things they really WANT, so please know you're just low man on their totem pole, and they don't think of You as a spending priority.
Second, someone irresponsible with money, is generally irresponsible in other domains of their life. They have trouble forging and maintaining solid, healthy relationships, their moods are labile, they may have poor family dynamics, they may impulsively bite off more than they can chew with various projects they undertake (which leave them ill-equipped to adhere to a reasonable budget, etc.).
Third, they could experience SHAME for having made a mistake that involves a loss for them, so it's far more palatable to blame someone ELSE for their misfortune, than to hold Themselves accountable for having made an error.
Fourth, try to understand that "Victims" are survivors, who've become exceptionally good at it! They've had lots of practice surviving since infancy, so struggle feels familiar and "normal" to 'em. They are often seductive, cunning, manipulative and HIGHLY resourceful. The Borderline Waif seduces by making us feel sorry for him or her. Without uniquely specialized help, survivors never manage to THRIVE.
(Cont.) Being on the brink of business failure, bankruptcy or painful interpersonal relationship produces intense feelings of aliveness within these individuals, on which they thrive. Sensations of serenity and calm are foreign to their existence and feel stifling, anxiety provoking and uncomfortable. Drama and chaos feel as natural as breathing, but seldom can these people tolerate being in long-term, harmonious relationships, due to their addiction to intense and often painful (but enlivening) feelings.
Fifth, if you've met or known someone that demonstrates a pitiful demeanor and disregard for YOU, you're very likely dealing with a child masquerading as an adult. In short, they are frequently the undercooked, hapless victim of a setback or crisis, because they aren't capable of circumspection, planning ahead nor anticipating possible negative consequences spawning from their impulsive choices or decisions. In short, they have personality disorder features~ most often, of the Borderline type.
Try to stop rescuing others from their troubles! They got there all by themselves, and they've been struggling for MANY years before you even met 'em, due to self-sabotaging compulsions they're seen no need to outgrow. If you're the kind of person who is more generous than you ought to be with others but miserly with You, It's gonna initially feel uncomfortable, as you learn to JUST SAY NO.
It takes practice to become comfortable with putting YOUR needs ahead of another's, because you were programmed by emotionally irresponsible people in your childhood, NOT to. That's the shitty legacy they left to you.
Someone long ago, shared sage advice his father had given him, and I never forgot it:
"Never get involved with someone who has MORE problems than You." I can guarantee you one thing, it's stellar advice~ especially if you've been inclined to date people with Borderline Personality Disorder traits.
Prove me wrong.
👍😁