Anxiety is an extremely common human experience, but nobody ever tells you why it’s so prevalent and hard to treat. I’m going to solve this mystery, so pay close attention.
Some humans are notorious for self sabotaging. No other mammal engages in this behavior. The reason being, it's emotionally easier and more desirable to feel in-control of negative outcomes, then to feel anxious about what form they’ll take, and when they might hit.
Predictable outcomes always feel better than unpredictable ones. Having worked with anxiety disorder issues very successfully for many years, I can testify that this is true. Humans are always more afraid of a faceless formless “monster” that takes ‘em by surprise, than one that’s recognizable and familiar to them.
This illuminates why Prophesy Fulfillment has become so popular among folks who’ve lived with anxiety issues, lifelong. What we fear most, is currently unknown or not fully understood by us. This is why horror films about alien creatures are so much scarier and appealing to many. This “unknown” factor alone, prompted me to invent my online course, “Overcoming Anxiety” a few years ago. It teaches you about the true nature of anxiety, and coaches you on how to resolve it, once and for all. (Private adjunctive sessions are also available, if needed.)
Some people claim to be afraid of heights, but it's not the fear of being up high that terrifies them, as much as their sense how easy it would be to drop or fall off a tall structure~ an imagined experience that in some way, is weirdly alluring! When we do the thing we’re afraid of, our anxiety evaporates~ and is sometimes replaced with excitement (recalling my very first speaking engagement at Jet Propulsion Labs many years ago. I was terrified before this presentation, yet euphoric afterward)!
If you’re afraid your boyfriend or girlfriend may be getting ready to break-up with you, you might confront them, act-out to provoke them or or push the issue verbally, just to try and quell your anxiety about this potential loss, over which you feel no control. Make sense??
While it seems odd to even consider that it’s the lack of trust in oneself to stand cautiously but securely atop a scaffold and remain safe rather than casually losing our footing or balance and falling to our death~ this is what underlies the condition called, acrophobia~ or “fear of heights.”
A wonderful book I read during my midlife crisis at 39 that tremendously helped me get unstuck, was titled, “FEEL THE FEAR, AND DO IT ANYWAY!” The author, Dr. Susan Jeffers, states that our fear of something never disappears, until we DO the thing we’re afraid of doing. Seems simplistic, yet how many times have we procrastinated while waiting for our fear about doing something to vanish, never once, realizing that it won’t?
We humans are the most intricate, complex living organisms (for which we should feel grateful), yet these characteristics also make us afraid to take risks to heal and grow ourselves, and pursue our aims and goals! This ‘fear’ element even stops us from forging healthy, enduring attachment bonds, for many are scared to fully bond with another!
I had a client decades ago during my internship, who’d always imagine an inevitable, negative conclusion to a relationship with any female he found attractive, before he’d even approach to say hi and introduce himself. Needless to say, prophesy fulfillment due to his lifelong insecurities, stopped him from pursuing many other hopes and dreams he’d fantasized about since childhood.
This expectation of defeat was a carryover from boyhood, which ensured that he’d stay with the devil he knew~ only hooking up with (BPD) females that invariably approached him, rather than venturing into unknown territory and risking that an outcome might be very different than he’d envisioned! What is familiar and known to us, feels far less frightening and threatening, than what is unfamiliar and unknown.
Lots of people will remain with a hairstylist they’ve routinely had disappointing outcomes with, than venture to risk trying someone new. Most humans have a love/hate relationship with predictability. It’s kinda comforting when we know what to expect (bad or good, boring or not)~ but it’s the element of unpredictability, that’s problematic for us.
Anxiety Disorder clients always attach a specific face and form to their anxiety trigger. They seize upon this specific image to help them feel more dominion and control over their anxiety or panic attacks: “If I can just avoid the event or person that predictably makes me feel anxious, I’ll be fine (even if it’s not letting myself ever feel too joyful or happy for an extended period of time)!”
Incidentally, extended sensations of “happiness” are THE MOST common anxiety trigger that exists among millions, worldwide! Why? Because as small children, whenever they felt relatively stable or even good for a short period, the rug got yanked out from under them, and BAD feelings followed good ones! As a defense against feeling devastating shock and surprise, they learned to anticipate disaster, right after feeling light and happy for more than a few minutes at a time. Now, whenever they feel joyful, they quickly steer away from it, or manage to throw a monkey wrench in to the works~ which is extremely common among people with Borderline Personality Disorder traits.
Anxiety Disorder is an easy condition to repair (for me, at least), but most people working in the psychotherapeutic world lack an intimate understanding of human nature and its myriad challenges, because they’ve never bothered to intimately understand themselves! Sadly, this is the fate of 98% of working clinicians.
The truth is, when life and love remain daunting mysteries to you, whether someone’s paying you to help them or not, you can’t be successful at walking another through a dark tunnel that you yourself, have been afraid and/or unwilling to navigate.