Wisdom is earned thru trial and error, UNLESS you have Borderline Personality Disorder traits.

Freedom of choice is POWERFUL. What we HAVE is what (on some level) we WANT~ even when it spawns unhappiness or discontent.

We don't fall into failure, any more than we fall into success. There are a series of choices we make along the way that produce either condition, whether they are self-constructive or self-destructive.

Emotionally underdeveloped people easily make self-destructive choices, because they lack the ability to tolerate delayed gratification (which lays the foundation for a more gratifying future outcome). They only consider what may change their mood or situation in the moment, which usually leads to negative repercussions.

People with BPD traits are like very young children. They have no sense of Cause and Effect, nor are they able to imagine the setbacks that occur from short-sighted, agenda-driven choices and decisions that yield more immediate or instant gratification.

This way of navigating thru life is fine, unless one is intent on constructing a life that gradually and consistently builds toward stable, satisfying, joyful outcomes, based on their capacity to make sound, rational, Big Picture adult choices. This ability is characteristic only of people who’ve entered true adulthood. We can patiently wait for our ‘right’ (but often difficult, uncomfortable) choices to produce rewards.

Borderlines are incapable of doing this. They never consider the end result of their present day choices, because all that matters, is the small wins or payoffs they get based on their immediate, libidinal (or primal) needs of infancy.

I'm watching a series called, "Being Mary Jane" on Paramount+ (thru Prime). It's THE quintessential example of smart, decent people who make short-sighted choices, based on their naivete and immaturity. I find myself screaming at these characters, wanting them to wake up and AVERT the obvious train wrecks they're heading straight into, based on their really stupid, habitual, agenda-driven choices that have (so far) brought 'em nothing but emotional and financial hardship.

The series shows us the parental dynamics under which these developmentally arrested characters grew up, and how deeply impaired they are because of it. The main character manages to sabotage all her relationships, because REAL love is too threatening for her to accommodate. It's just not in her wheelhouse. She has no frame of reference (from childhood, growing up with a BPD mom) for recognizing or welcoming genuine happiness or love. She's attracted to males who aren't emotionally available (married/attached) or whose baggage won't fit in the overhead compartment on a plane.

Alas, like attracts like. NOBODY healthy and emotionally whole remains with someone who is not, because it isn't a compatible, vibrational fit.

Sustainable loving is somewhat scary for most of us, for nobody gets outta this life alive... but for people with attachment fears, it's literally terrifying. The best THEY can hope for, is a series of relatively short-term, monogamous interludes that last as long as the exciting, initial Honeymoon novelty does, and swap their relationships out for a new one, once their fantasy of "happily ever after" yields yet another disappointing outcome.

When we make poor choices, our results can only range from bad to devastating.