WISHFUL THINKING VS OUR PURSUIT OF "HAPPINESS"
And the question most of us will one day face: Is that all there IS??
Almost all of us create mental pictures when we’re young, about what “happiness” will one day look like for us. We might imagine a utopian life, and believe that a panacea-like existence free of struggle, strife, emotional pain and normal aging is possible. Sounds pretty great, right? The last thing I wanna do is rain on your parade, but perhaps you too, have reached a level of maturity that’s had to come to terms with how your childhood fantasies haven’t matched your adult reality.
Even having children one day seems marvelous when we’re teenagers, but the demands of caring for a kid and keeping him/her safe and healthy, extend light-years beyond anything we could ever have imagined, when we first added that aim to our wishlist.
Having always been a ‘cat person’ I didn’t have a clue about caring for a dog when I adopted my 6-year old pitbull terrier from a shelter in 2017. I’d chosen to move into semi-retirement, and sensed I needed a ‘therapy dog’ to assist me with recharging my (then) thoroughly-depleted emotional batteries.
There were challenging times with Cleo at the start of our relationship. I won’t go into detail here, but I’ve deeply regretted watching Cesar Millan dog training videos that deterred my sweet doggie’s ability to bond with me in those early days, and vice-versa.
Along these same lines, therapist’s kids are the most fucked up individuals on the planet, because they’re raised by people who intellectually approach interactions with their children rather than noticing and being able to intuit what a kid needs to feel emotionally safe, secure and adored. I was an asshole the first 6 - 8 months of my pup’s new life with me, even though I musta felt like ‘a walk in the park’ for her in contrast to her previous handler. I still carry guilt about having been too rigid during those early months. My poor, sweet baby~ all she needed, was my acceptance and love . . . but I’ve digressed.
No matter how rich and plentiful our life becomes thru diligent, persistent effort, there’s gonna time a time when we’ll be taking inventory to assess if we’re getting enough Bang for our Buck. In short, does this existence we’ve built (based on prior fantasies and wishful thinking), match the contentment and joy we previously envisioned?? And if it doesn’t, what could possibly be missing?!
It is said, the journey is more satisfying than the destination, and I think there’s a lotta truth to this. It’s the excitement and passion we feel while creating something we think will be rewarding and looking forward to it, that invigorates us. Artists, writers and many other creative souls tend to experience emotional letdown, once they’ve finished working on a project that's been for them, a labor of love.
All our cars, homes, boats, planes, extended family and financial security are merely on-loan to us. It’s not that they don’t make our lives feel freer, more comfortable and enjoyable, but inherent compromises and sacrifices are an inescapable part of maintaining them.
In essence, everything we wish for and manage to get, comes at a price. There IS no panacea. Wealthy people continually deal with an entirely different set of pressures and responsibilities than most. They’ve learned first hand, that “Utopia” does not exist. This hard-won awareness can feel disappointing and disheartening.
A client recently stated he “hates antiques.” Whether one has a strong distaste for baroque-styled furniture OR is repelled by the idea that an item in their home has previously belonged to another, the inalienable truth is, ALL our personal possessions will one day belong to someone else. “Ya can’t take it with you,” as the saying goes.
We are here in this physical life for an undetermined number of years. Think about grabbing as much daily glee and satisfaction as you can, while you’re in this physical body. Whatever well-considered risks we take along the way, will ideally help us construct and maintain rewarding plateaus for a good stretch of time~ but these are impermanent, because our needs, priorities and even values will keep changing decade to decade (and sometimes, year to year).
Bottom line: As we mature and become more accepting of our continually-changing definition of “Happiness,” our outer-life must reflect these inner-changes, or we struggle with a mild to moderate sense of discontent~ regardless of how “perfect” our current reality appears.
There will always be new personal frontiers to discover~ and one man’s Palace can be another man’s Prison. Ask anyone who’s been wildly successful, when they’re in the midst of having to emotionally and psychologically navigate mid-life crisis!
I’m not trying to scare ya. I’m merely wanting to enlighten you about life and love from a vantage point you’re unlikely to relate with, until you’re standing in an older person’s shoes and experiencing these things first hand. This is just a little preview. Use it wisely.
PS: It’s incredibly helpful to have a solid, supportive sounding board in place to help you effectively surmount significant life transitions. You’ll need to engage an older, seasoned professional who has ‘been there, done that,’ to help rudder the emotionally challenging course ahead, with the least amount of wear and tear on your spirit and soul. You’ll wanna sense they’ve successfully navigated their own dark, scary tunnels and will walk with you hand-in-hand, while leading you to the light that awaits at the other end of yours!
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