You must remember this~ as much as you'd like to, ya can't save everyone.
LOL... had a dream this morning that I lived above or behind an antique shop (must be feeling my age lately!). A younger male wanted me to go someplace with him (mighta been a client), and as we ventured out, I realized I'd forgotten to lock my doors.
There were many people in the streets sort of celebrating, and I feared a break-in. I sent him back to lock the doors but he was unsuccessful, so I had to do it myself. A short bus ride was involved to get me from one point to another, but I awakened with not much resolution.
I think the meaning of this little dream might be, sometimes you can take a journey with someone and have the best intentions to help them, but end up losing something valuable in the process, like your time, your energy, your security, your peace of mind or (worst of all) your Self.
Not everyone wants to better their life or HEAL. I truly know how hard this is to accept and integrate, but it's far more common than you might imagine.
When a person's been emotionally miserable their entire life, when they've never been able to experience real joy, when life's been ONLY about surviving, it can be extremely difficult to dismantle the belief in them, that they DESERVE to suffer~ and that feeling any different, is even possible!
This, believe it or not, is the Borderline's crucible. They can't trust light, good, nourishing feelings, and feel anxious when these emotions begin to emerge for 'em. They will sabotage your relationship and/or themselves, to keep their miserable status-quo in place~ because even PAINFUL homeostasis feels familiar and far more comfortable to them than change does.
Most humans naturally resist change. Change by its very nature, means that what has BEEN, must be altered. Change for this reason, feels destabilizing for ALL people. Magnify this destabilization about 100 times, and you get an idea of what it's like for someone with BPD traits to even CONSIDER healthy, wholesome growth and transformation~ regardless of how gradual it might be.
No matter how much a Borderline SAYS they want to be healthy and happy, very few can accommodate the foundational shifts that are necessary to facilitate them climbing out of the proverbial sink, rather than endlessly circling the drain.
Even the most skilled professional encounters this issue with BPD clients. Why?? Because stability, inner peace and joy are completely foreign sensations to a Borderline, and what we cannot fully know and understand, we're too frightened to let ourselves experience.
When was the last time YOU tried something totally new, and felt completely at ease with it?