ARE relationship deaths avoidable?

In truth, they are!

Most people have very poor communication skills. Nobody’s ever taught ‘em how to speak their truth (say what’s on their mind and in their heart) or fight fairly, without inflicting irreparable harm~ usually to someone closest to them.

If you hate confrontation of any kind because it makes you feel uncomfortable, scared, tongue-tied or ashamed, you can expect to keep enduring relationship difficulties, lifelong. 80% of divorces are directly due to poor communication between partners. Hundreds of little secrets are kept by each, due to discomfort about saying what they really feel to each other. This kills intimacy faster than a rabbit trying to outrun its predator.

So how is it, that so many of us are reluctant to be truthful in our relationships? How often are we aware we’ve made a mistake with someone, yet brushed that nagging feeling inside, that alerts us we need to mend a rupture with them? Are we trying to convince ourselves it doesn’t really matter, or the other will overlook the injury we’ve caused, and pretend it never happened??

I’ve always been a bottom-line, no-nonsense dame. If you’ve harmed me in any way, even if it’s unwitting on your part, and you haven’t owned your error and offered a sincere, heartfelt apology, you have seriously undermined my respect for you.

If you lose my respect or trust, I cannot sustain my feelings of love for you. I’ve never understood others capacity to keep loving someone, when their feelings have been trampled, to where trust in that person, partner or friend is damaged.

I’ve been teaching stellar communication tools to my clients for decades, yet for some, bad old habits die hard. This deficit is particularly notable among clients who’ve retained Borderline Personality Disorder traits. Like a small child, they simply can’t find the words to work themselves out of a corner of their own making. My presumption is, it triggers too much core shame to ‘own’ their mistakes, so mending ruptures with another remains out of the question.

Far more relationships end because of what’s not said, rather than what is. People stay in tension-filled marriages that have somehow endured hundreds of little emotional divorces from each other, rather than seek competent help to repair and strengthen the bridge between 'em, which has become impossible to navigate on their own.

A few psychotherapists I’ve treated were avoidant personalities. Personality disorders are the outcome of emotional development deficits that have reached critical mass, to where productive and effective interchange with others is permanently halted.

99% of humans never seek relationship help from a qualified professional, until the chasm between them and their partner is so broad, it impacts their sex life! Isn’t it ironic, that years, even decades of emotional discord is swept under the rug, until substantially negative effects finally show up in the bedroom?! How could they NOT?

Some people determine, “I’m gonna stay married no matter what!” They grew up watching frequent discord, tension and battles between their parental units, so their belief that you just keep sticking it out no matter how miserable you are, holds sway. Hyper-religious people I’ve noticed, are especially susceptible to this kind of slow but sure, self-annihilation.

Yes, you both took vows “before God,” but isn’t it a sin to deprive yourself of a peaceful, happy life (that which God truly wants for you)~ or is it your belief that He has intended all along, that you should be willing to live out the rest of your days in pain, struggle and suffering?

People wonder why their kids are so unhappy. Some who’ve never found the help they need, even commit suicide. No child can grow up in a tension-filled home where they see no playfulness or joy between their parents, and ever hope to build a gratifying relationship bond with another, in adulthood. It simply doesn’t happen. A child who grows up in a war zone is not emotionally equipped to construct a happy life for himself.

I’ve heard it said that laryngitis is a Conversation Peace. Our throat chakra as well as our entire respiratory system is often impaired because we can’t find an acceptable or effective way to share our deepest feelings, hurts and truths. In context of respiratory ailments (particularly chronic ones), Louise Hay and I agree that these are the result of not being able to take-in Life fully.

Our bodies are a lot smarter than we think. Gastric issues are typically related to situations and events that we just can’t stomach.

We humans are mind, body and spirit. Might it be time to finally figure out how to help all three of these parts live harmoniously with each other, so that maybe, with a little assistance from a highly experienced and skilled professional, we can finally learn to live in harmony with another?