Ever notice how eager people are to "fall in love"? The very act of FALLING is an out-of-control sensation, so doesn't it make sense to question why so many long for and CRAVE this feeling state?
If we take time to think about this issue logically, don't we usually spend the rest of our time in an initially exhilarating relationship, trying to REGAIN our grounding and feel in-control of our emotional experiences with another?
Of course we do! Roller-coaster rides are only fun if you LIKE the sensation of being weightless or out of control. For the rest of us, it's like a trip to Hell and back~ we can hardly wait to get off that terrifying ride and the discomfort it causes our internal organs.
Imagine yourself on a life-long roller-coaster ride. The ups and downs are predictable, you learn to anticipate em, and yet the ride never comes to an end. Emotional highs and lows become the fabric of your daily life, and there's realistically no escape that won't bring great imminent harm to you.
How long can you endure being on this ride~ and did you ever think at the start it would begin to wear on your spirit, your physical body and your emotional well-being? THIS is what it feels like, being involved with a Borderline Personality Disordered partner.
The 'highs' in your dynamic are magnificent. You feel adored and cherished under their love-bombing~ and yet, these episodes become fewer and farther between, as your relationship progresses. What's far more accurate, is rather than progressing, it deteriorates.
Borderlines initially treat you like you hung the moon and the stars. They idolize you, and you think you've finally found your pot of gold at the end of a long, arduous journey. Once they sense you're seduced, and all your eggs are nestled in Their basket, they start criticizing and finding fault with you.
"What happened to that glorious creature who was so enamored with me?" you ask yourself, over and over. "I must have done something to upset him or her, and these awful feelings I have now, must be MY fault."
They're not. You've just fallen for someone who lives for emotional roller-coaster rides, because it's the ONLY thing that helps 'em feel alive, after a lifetime of dissociating from painful or difficult emotions.
You can also anticipate you'll have to deal with their depression, their discontent and their anxiety or panic attacks, as these are typical outcomes of emotional dissociation. What this means is, you'll have your hands full, trying to fix or make life better or safer for your lover, but not only won't it work, they'll resent you for it~ which'll make the 'lows' on this wild ride even harder to bear.
Oh, you say you LIKE feeling a sense of serenity, calm and control? Never marry a Borderline.
Again, right on point. Having married a BPD person, I was on that roller coaster for nearly 16 years and could never figure out which way was up. In the end I found myself emotionally, mentally and spiritually painted into a corner that I could not escape. I lived in a world with two truths, hers which was always 'right' and mine, which was always wrong, belittled and made meaningless. It took a hard crash to finally see the reality behind it all. I read Sheri's articles over a period of years trying to rationalize, 'well she doesn't fit them all' and used that angle to continue getting my 'fixes' of emotional and psychological extremes, living only for that next fix at the expense of my children and myself. Now, I am working my way back and finding one red flag after another that I had simply disregarded just so I could keep on the drugs of that roller coaster. Real life is a come down, but it's so much more healthy and when that drug wears off you see the world in a whole new light. And that flat spot on your forehead stops aching. ;)