Does having Millions EVER make us feel secure, safe or happy?

Not in my experience, based on several super-wealthy clients.

Substack feels exclusionary at times. I went to favorite/heart a comment someone made on a post I’d liked, and got a “favoriting a comment is reserved for subscribers only” message. WTF, people?!

I only have a handful of “paid” subscribers, and I feel very flattered and grateful to each of them for their contribution~ but they got there totally on their own volition. No coercion from me, no “exclusive offerings” for shelling out their eight bucks a month (or whatever), and no roadblocks to reading my materials, whether ya fucking pay for ‘em or not. Hey, I’m just tickled pink you like, relate to and/or resonate with me!

There are times I feel like an alien on planet Earth. My sensibilities seem so radically different than those of many, it’s hard for me to comprehend the choices they make. People wired like me are rare, I’ve found. I’ve never wanted to be like everyone else, so I suppose this outcome makes sense, even if it speaks only to character.

In my mind, writers WRITE. The act of writing is its own reward for those to whom the act of expressing what’s inside themselves, feels literally irrepressible. I cannot NOT write. I don’t give a fuck if I’m paid for doing it or not. Have I ever written for the payoff of money? Never. I write, because it’s the most gratifying creative outlet I’ve ever engaged in~ and there have (blessedly) been many, in the course of this lifetime.

I love to cook for myself, freeze a lot of my delicious kitchen creations, and joyfully eat for months. I do this because I have a great time cooking stuff I can season exquisitely to my taste. Nobody pays me to cook, and I’d never expect ‘em to. The same holds true for my artwork. I do it for the love of it, ‘cause the idea of being another ‘starving artist’ dissuaded me from ever trying to earn a living at it.

The act of creating feeds our soul. For some, it often makes their 9 to 5 far more bearable, because expressing our creativity uniquely nourishes us in ways most other activities do not. I find it Self-affirming~ and ya couldn’t stop me, even if you held a gun to my head and threatened me with pulling the trigger.

I’ve always found ways to earn a living and keep the wolves from the door. They’ve all been legitimate, but there were tough times as a younger woman, I contemplated a few not-so-wholesome ways to support myself. Desperate people do desperate things, ya know… and a girl’s gotta eat and keep a roof over her head.

It’s not that I held judgement about those less-than savory occupations~ it’s that when I took the time to think it through, I sensed it wouldn’t be a congruent enough fit for me. Sometimes ya gotta envision potential long-range outcomes and possible repercussions, when determining if you can live with the choice you’re about to make.

Delayed gratification wins out over instant gratification, if ya wanna build a solid future for yourself. I wouldn’t say I’m happy about being wired this way ‘cause my life woulda been a hellova lot easier if I hadn’t been, it’s just that leopards can’t change their spots.

Some years ago, I felt forced to monetize my website. Not the entire thing, just parts of it. This pained me. I’m an educator at heart, who’s always wanted others to have full access to my writings, because they’re growth, healing and wisdom-producing. But alas, there came a day I realized I had only enough money in my checking account for 7 more mortgage payments, and it kinda freaked me out. Alas, fear is the most powerful motivator we humans have.

I won’t bore ya with the internal struggle I went thru around this time, but I had to take a step back and recognize how many thousands of people had richly benefitted from my BPD articles (calling them “lifesaving”) and help myself take better care of Me. I’d settled on a lifetime membership access fee that was modest enough that I figured literally anyone could afford it, and gradually began earning a bit of cash while I slept.

I knew this decision wasn’t gonna alter my life much~ perhaps just offset pet food costs, yet it didn’t matter. It’s not that I had entitlement issues, defined by feeling unworthy or undeserving of receiving what we want and need. I’d conquered that issue, many years before, and wrote the frigging book on it! It’s that I didn’t want anyone excluded from learning and absorbing guidance and truths I felt compelled to impart.

So, I’m not sitting in judgment of those who make some of their Substack materials available only to ‘paid’ subscribers~ I truly am not. I know all too intimately, what it means to struggle financially. I guess I’m finding it difficult to relate to, within this marvelous writer’s platform~ and knowing myself as I do, I’m pretty certain this’ll never change.

I wish for you all, the maximum level of financial security, serenity, contentment and joy you can possibly handle... and maybe, just a little extra. :~)