Fear of CONFRONTATION has you settling for MUCH less than you deserve!

I’ve always walked my talk, so I never ask anything of my clients, I’m not willing to implement. I have coached people for decades, on asking for more than what’s offered~ and it works every single time!

It may not be in your nature to be assertive, much less, aggressive. That’s okay, because when you understand the principles behind getting what ya want rather than what’s offered or given, you can adjust your attitude, and start getting more prosperity and abundance outta life.

I shamelessly brag at times, that nobody understands human nature as intimately as I do. Does this sound narcissistic, egocentric or arrogant?? Probably so, but in all my decades of life, I’ve never encountered anyone who as an equal or greater capacity for comprehending what makes humans us tick, and what stops us from ticking.

[I’m certain that my unstable childhood made me infinitely curious about why people behaved in the anomalous ways they did, so I have my childhood trauma to thank for this cumulative wisdom. Silver linings, I suppose~ and what doesn’t kill ya makes ya stronger.]

But I’ve digressed. It’s not just YOU who fears and dreads confrontation. Nearly everyone does! There are two sides to this coin~ so when you dare to speak up about your needs or desires, it makes others feel profoundly uncomfortable! Their discomfort works for you, because they just wanna make you go away/disappear, and they’ll do literally ANYTHING to facilitate that outcome!

At times, I’ll use a passive strategy to get what I want, but I’ll get to that a bit later on. The bottom line is, people generally WANT to give you what you need, ya just have to help ‘em do it. Let me give you some real-life personal examples of how I’ve asked for more than what’s offered, and gotten it (there are dozens, possibly hundreds of these incidents, but here are just a few):

In a Target store one day, there was no TP in the ladies room. I complained to the management, and I presume they put someone on that task. But I didn’t stop there. I wrote to Corporate, and described the incident, saying I was forced to use paper towels, which are disterous to plumbing~ especially if more than one person flushed that material after urinating! I also said I felt aghast that a chain store’s bathroom was so grossly under-monitored, leaving themselves wide open for raw sewage backup and flooding potential. I invited ‘em to phone me to discuss the matter further, and they did.

Outcome: Target offered me a $5 courtesy credit compensation for my trouble. I said, “make it $15, and we’re good.” And they did.

Same thing happened at The Cheesecake Factory. I went thru the protocol above, and was offered a $50 complimentary credit at any of their outlets. I said, “make it $60,” and they happily did.

All companies and organizations know that if just one person complains, that one individual usually represents tens of thousands, who never will. THEY understand human nature better than YOU do, and they know there are millions of people who will not return to their restaurant after feeling disappointed with their meal, rather than politely telling their waiter it’s not tasting right, and they’d like to order something else off the menu.

Passive-aggressive people never return to a restaurant if they didn’t enjoy the taste of their meal. Emotionally stable, healthy people DO something about it, rather than wasting their hard-earned money on uneaten food. Practice being the latter!

This same principle works with job offers, career upgrades, and just about everything else you’ll encounter in your lifetime. Always ask for MORE than whatever’s offered. It may seem like a lot to you, because you’ve been schlepping around poor self-worth issues lifelong, but you’ve gotta remember that one man’s ceiling is another man’s floor.

When ya work up the courage to ask for a little ‘bump’ in pay or more compensation for having been inconvenienced, it’s less than a drop in the bucket for a corporation to grant you that gift, because it’s a ‘good will’ gesture they know will have you returning, or at the very least, thinking more kindly of ‘em for demonstrated they Give A Shit about customer satisfaction! (And aren’t we infuriatingly bombarded daily, by organizations and companies who DON’T?)

The same people who won’t send food back to the kitchen, are typically the same people who are passive in their relationship dynamics. But guess what? Nobody respects a doormat.

Now, back to passive strategies, like I promised earlier. Be willing to humble yourself to get what you want. Once in a blue moon, I might misplace a CC bill, and encounter late fees. As soon as I’m aware of this having happened, I’ll call the company up, and say something along the lines of, I feel like such an idiot! I must have misplaced this bill and forgotten to send in my check! I’m feeling really embarrassed.

Now, almost nobody wants you to feel badly about yourself (‘cause Codependency is one of the most prevalent personality disorders that exist on our planet), so they wanna save you from further self-flagellation, and help ya feel better! I usually throw in, I don’t know how this happened, you might see from my payment history, I always pay my bills early! Then, comes The Ask: Might you consider waiving this late fee for me this one time? And they always do! The upshot? A little humility under certain circumstances, can work wonders.

Incidentally, I do pay my bills early (and in full), and never incur interest charges. I am considered a “good customer,” which I think helps as well, in these situations.

*Here’s an important note, in terms of getting what ya need: Don’t expect your lover or spouse to be a fucking mind-reader. Intuiting your needs was your momma’s job, and if she failed you in this way, don’t keep expecting others in your life to do it any better! Don’t fall prey to, “well if he/she really loved me, they’d KNOW I what I need and want.” This is utterly absurd! Lose the habit! Ask for what you need from others, so they can figure out how to give it to you!

As a side bar, I’ve been saying about Borderlines for many years now, that we cannot control their ever-fluctuating, labile emotions. We have no dominion over whether they love us or hate us, hour to hour, day to day or week to week… but you’d damned well better command their respect~ ‘cause if ya don’t, your goose is cooked. You’re done for~ and if they can’t respect ya, they’re not gonna wanna keep fucking ya!

I wrote this article (WHO’S DOING YOUR DIRTY WORK? Deconstructing Passive Aggression) many years ago. Perhaps if you have passivity issues, you’ll get curious enough to peruse it. https://sharischreiber.com/whos-doing-your-dirty-work/

Incidentally, passivity is the kiss of death, when you’re with a partner who has Borderline Personality Disorder traits~ but you must remember this: An emotionally sound and whole person never requires you to “set boundaries,” because they are hyper-vigilant about respecting their Own. This means, they’d never violate Yours.