How the twig is bent, so grows the tree

Many think (after reading my online BPD materials) that if they’ve hooked up with a Borderline, that man or woman has the same traits as their mother does or did.

This isn’t necessarily true, though I’ve worked with more than a few males who’ve stated that their BPD lover bore an uncanny resemblance to their mom when she was much younger.

What keeps us engaged with a personality disordered lover far past the point of recognizing how abusively they treat us, is the fact that they make us feel much like Mom did, about OURSELVES.

When they’re critical, guilting or shaming and we feel unloved or not good enough around ‘em, THIS is the aspect that keeps us coming back for more, because deep down inside, these are familiar feelings we had to endure from infancy, and beyond.

Our presumption as children is, who knows us better than our own mother does? She must be right about us when she’s angry and calls us a “bad” boy or girl. We are surely a defective, misbehaving, bad child, or wouldn’t we be receiving more love, affection and understanding from her??

Children learn to love themselves and others, by how they are treated in childhood. If you beat a dog from the time its a puppy, won’t it cower and shake each time you approach? Will it ever feel adored and trust that you mean it no harm? It’s the same for humans.

If we grew up feeling unlovable due to defective parenting, we remain utterly convinced it’s true about us! Isn’t it ironic, that the most important job there is on the planet requires no formal schooling or training?

Raising a child is a privilege. Sadly, too many regard it as an obligation or nuisance.