How we do Anything, is how we do Everything.
When we have attachment fears (a BPD trait), they spill over into any therapeutic relationship we might form, as well. We act-out our fears surrounding getting closer to someone/anyone, and find ways to distance.
We always make it the "other person's" fault things aren't working out better, to maintain denial of our own inability to bond with a suitable partner. UNSUITABLE partners and under-skilled therapists are our Comfort Zone. We might remain with either indefinitely~ rather than taking the emotional risks needed to truly grow and heal ourselves.
I have encountered many in my practice who struggle with the issue of "what will it mean to me, to get truly whole and well?" I know it sounds odd, but their resistance is palpable (to anyone who is intuitive, and works instinctually).
I know full-well, that the relationship obstacles one has always faced, will enter the domain WE share together, as well. How can they NOT? Long-held defenses that have prevented former attachments from becoming nourishing and gratifying, will play out within the therapeutic connection. It's inevitable.
Getting well is scary for people who've been dissociated from their emotions lifelong. Not only does emotional dissociation make it impossible for one to bond with another, it always spawns addiction of some sort or another: Compulsive eating (soothing one's difficult feelings ~or ABSENCE of feelings), drug or alcohol abuse, porn or sex addiction, etc.
I see INTO people. I mostly know what they're gonna do, before they think of doing it. I've worked effectively with core damaged people my entire, 30-year career. Their issues are extremely familiar to me. Certainly not challenging to rectify.
The only thing that gets in the way of their becoming well and happy, is themselves. Surrendering a dysfunctional identity is frightening, when it's all you've ever known. Trading it in for a wholesome, joyful new one, is beyond the imagination's ability to fathom, which is the central reason so many RESIST accepting the kind of help they need.
When it comes down to heartbreaking realities, this is one that causes me to repeatedly shake my head, and wonder if there's any hope for these people to create for themselves the life they SAY they want. Bottom line, talk is cheap. I suspect that circling the drain is a more familiar, comfortable path for many.
You can take someone wherever they wanna go,
in terms of healing and growth. What ya can't do,
is make ‘em WANT it.